What did you all thought about the element of dependency and neediness in relationships portrayed in the book?

Use this forum to discuss the October Book of the Month "McDowell" by William H. Coles.
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Ekta Kumari
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What did you all thought about the element of dependency and neediness in relationships portrayed in the book?

Post by Ekta Kumari » 08 Dec 2018, 11:06

Throughout the book, we see relationship problems. Whether it's Sophie, Billie. Both of them were very timid emotionally. Do you think the lack of parental attention by Hiram had a role to play in it?
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Post by Shalu1707 » 10 Dec 2018, 11:15

Yes, the timid emotions of Billie Sophie and Ann were results of parental negligence. There mother was not around to help and there father gave them little attention but lot of money to compensate the lack of parental care. The money and emotional instability attracted all the wrong kind of persons to there life and they had no one to tell them what to expect from the other person in a relationship.

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Post by Ekta Kumari » 10 Dec 2018, 11:50

Shalu1707 wrote: ↑
10 Dec 2018, 11:15
Yes, the timid emotions of Billie Sophie and Ann were results of parental negligence. There mother was not around to help and there father gave them little attention but lot of money to compensate the lack of parental care. The money and emotional instability attracted all the wrong kind of persons to there life and they had no one to tell them what to expect from the other person in a relationship.
Yes, I agree. Most probably they were victims of unhealthy dependency in a relationship and that made them vulnerable to abusive people in their life. They didn't had any idea how to protect themselves or their emotions from bad influence.
They say don't take divorce; what will people say?
But is it better to feel broken every moment of the day?
Bring a child everything will be fine,
But to bring a new life where misery already thrives,
You are bound,
To be free is your ultimate sound.

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Post by Theresam » 15 Dec 2018, 01:17

I agree - I think the relationships Hiram’s children had were unhealthy as a result of the way they were raised by Hiram who was there for them financially but not really supportive emotionally

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Post by Ekta Kumari » 15 Dec 2018, 14:17

Theresam wrote: ↑
15 Dec 2018, 01:17
I agree - I think the relationships Hiram’s children had were unhealthy as a result of the way they were raised by Hiram who was there for them financially but not really supportive emotionally
I agree with you. Hiram never really understood his children's needs. Sure he was a good father in his own eyes but he left his children to look after themselves when it came to emotional matters except the case where he went out of his way to help Sophie get over her break-up and recover; in fact I think this is the only instance in the book of his kindness and love towards his children. At least he loved Sophie enough.
They say don't take divorce; what will people say?
But is it better to feel broken every moment of the day?
Bring a child everything will be fine,
But to bring a new life where misery already thrives,
You are bound,
To be free is your ultimate sound.

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Post by ShailaSheshadri » 23 Dec 2018, 04:32

In the novel McDowell, we see the characters Sophie, Billy, and Ann are tender emotionally. I fully agree with the fact that this might have happened due to their quarreling parents. I mean, there was a bitter relationship between McDowell and Carole. They were fighting among themselves and didn't take care of their children's emotional health.

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Post by Ekta Kumari » 23 Dec 2018, 23:48

ShailaSheshadri wrote: ↑
23 Dec 2018, 04:32
In the novel McDowell, we see the characters Sophie, Billy, and Ann are tender emotionally. I fully agree with the fact that this might have happened due to their quarreling parents. I mean, there was a bitter relationship between McDowell and Carole. They were fighting among themselves and didn't take care of their children's emotional health.
Yes, their quarrels were another reason why there was such unhealthy environment for the children to grow up and they were not able to handle their relationships on their own.
They say don't take divorce; what will people say?
But is it better to feel broken every moment of the day?
Bring a child everything will be fine,
But to bring a new life where misery already thrives,
You are bound,
To be free is your ultimate sound.

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Post by Celestine_kerubo91 » 24 Dec 2018, 00:46

Parental guidance as well as love plays a key role i kids lives when they grow up as well as when they transit to adulthood. As in Sophie and Billy's case is not and different. A mother's love is key in the growth of kids,being there of Cowell as well the continuous quarel between the parents also painted the picture of unstable relation led by individual attention coming first,thus the misunderstandings experienced,thus a failed marriage,failed generation as well the exact depiction of the current era of generation y,where many kids are street kids while separation in marriages are rampant.....

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Post by Ekta Kumari » 24 Dec 2018, 13:44

Celestine_kerubo91 wrote: ↑
24 Dec 2018, 00:46
Parental guidance as well as love plays a key role i kids lives when they grow up as well as when they transit to adulthood. As in Sophie and Billy's case is not and different. A mother's love is key in the growth of kids,being there of Cowell as well the continuous quarel between the parents also painted the picture of unstable relation led by individual attention coming first,thus the misunderstandings experienced,thus a failed marriage,failed generation as well the exact depiction of the current era of generation y,where many kids are street kids while separation in marriages are rampant.....
Yes, I completely agree with you. This is a real problem. There is this vicious cycle of unhealthy marriages and that leading to unstable environment for children which they carry for rest of their lives.
They say don't take divorce; what will people say?
But is it better to feel broken every moment of the day?
Bring a child everything will be fine,
But to bring a new life where misery already thrives,
You are bound,
To be free is your ultimate sound.

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Post by Highly Favoured One » 25 Dec 2018, 16:42

Certainly when you have an emotionally deprived childhood, the result is an emotionally immature adulthood. So it is no wonder that Billie Sophie and Ann ended up the way they did. Sad but true.

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Post by Ekta Kumari » 29 Dec 2018, 00:02

Highly Favoured One wrote: ↑
25 Dec 2018, 16:42
Certainly when you have an emotionally deprived childhood, the result is an emotionally immature adulthood. So it is no wonder that Billie Sophie and Ann ended up the way they did. Sad but true.
Yes, that does happen. Lack of attention and love in childhood mess up with an individual's perception of relationships and emotional well-being.
They say don't take divorce; what will people say?
But is it better to feel broken every moment of the day?
Bring a child everything will be fine,
But to bring a new life where misery already thrives,
You are bound,
To be free is your ultimate sound.

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Post by Jessacardinal » 07 Jan 2019, 13:18

A child’s upbringing most definitely influences who they become as an adult. Hiram’s children were not blessed with the best childhood. While Billie, Sophie, and Ann each have their obvious issues, I find they each have admirable traits as well.
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Post by Ekta Kumari » 08 Jan 2019, 06:00

Jessacardinal wrote: ↑
07 Jan 2019, 13:18
A child’s upbringing most definitely influences who they become as an adult. Hiram’s children were not blessed with the best childhood. While Billie, Sophie, and Ann each have their obvious issues, I find they each have admirable traits as well.
I agree. I think if their parents would have paid more careful attention to them, then their adulthood could have been more fulfilling and with less emotional suffering.
They say don't take divorce; what will people say?
But is it better to feel broken every moment of the day?
Bring a child everything will be fine,
But to bring a new life where misery already thrives,
You are bound,
To be free is your ultimate sound.

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Post by Hannahberry » 09 Jan 2019, 13:03

Yes, I think McDowell has a very big part in the emotional timidity in the books. There was a lot of parental negligence on his part.

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Post by Ekta Kumari » 14 Jan 2019, 15:03

Hannahberry wrote: ↑
09 Jan 2019, 13:03
Yes, I think McDowell has a very big part in the emotional timidity in the books. There was a lot of parental negligence on his part.
I agree with you. What he considered to be parental attention was not enough, and he was negligent to that fact for the most part.
They say don't take divorce; what will people say?
But is it better to feel broken every moment of the day?
Bring a child everything will be fine,
But to bring a new life where misery already thrives,
You are bound,
To be free is your ultimate sound.

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