Mother

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Ekta Swarnkar
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Mother

Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

[amazon=] Hi everyone, I have a poem to share and I hope it connects to your lives as it connected to mine, please let me know if you liked it and how can I modify it. :P

She is a machine producing love,
a chef making food,
a teacher helping homework,
a best friend to share everything,
a maid cleaning rooms,
a counselor boosting morale,
a laundry doing clothes,
an advisor of my problems,
a clock waking me up in time,
and a forever happy person to look upon all my queries without being paid,
Who is she, may be a random person to the world,
but she is my mother,
MY WORLD.[/amazon]
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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Ibet_perez
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Post by Ibet_perez »

This is really good! You're concept is great and your ideas are wonderful. The words that you used are great to but keep in mind you can always say more. Especially here, I think if you elaborated a little more or connected your ideas with events or objects even phrases would give your poem more kick.
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Ekta Swarnkar
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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

Ibet_perez wrote: 03 Jun 2019, 00:28 This is really good! You're concept is great and your ideas are wonderful. The words that you used are great to but keep in mind you can always say more. Especially here, I think if you elaborated a little more or connected your ideas with events or objects even phrases would give your poem more kick.
Thank you so much for your views.. Your comment is valuable and I'll try to make progress .:D
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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Lina Ewalu
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Post by Lina Ewalu »

Wow! What an amazing poem showing the good qualities of a mother. Its a short poem but pregnant with meaning.
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Ekta Swarnkar
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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

Lina Ewalu wrote: 04 Jun 2019, 02:55 Wow! What an amazing poem showing the good qualities of a mother. Its a short poem but pregnant with meaning.
Thank you,
I really appreciate your thoughts.
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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Eclecticmama
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Post by Eclecticmama »

As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem :D
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Ekta Swarnkar
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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

Eclecticmama wrote: 05 Jun 2019, 11:24 As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem :D
I'm sure they will. Thanks for reading it. :wink:
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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Jlprince26
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Post by Jlprince26 »

Eclecticmama wrote: 05 Jun 2019, 11:24 As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem :D
I concur with you. As mothers, we can only hope we influence our children in the best way possible by showing them as much love and support as possible. Hoping one day they will appreciate all we do, even if as youngsters, they can't stand us! Love the poem. Short and to the point. I think it is a wonderful depiction of how much you love and appreciate your mother.
- "Our children learn from us, teach them well, teach them to read, let them be free, and most importantly let them be children." Jamie Prince
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Ataylor1997
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Post by Ataylor1997 »

Your poem is beautiful and very informative yet simple way of describing a dedicated mother <3
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Ekta Swarnkar
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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

Jlprince26 wrote: 06 Jun 2019, 12:37
Eclecticmama wrote: 05 Jun 2019, 11:24 As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem :D
I concur with you. As mothers, we can only hope we influence our children in the best way possible by showing them as much love and support as possible. Hoping one day they will appreciate all we do, even if as youngsters, they can't stand us! Love the poem. Short and to the point. I think it is a wonderful depiction of how much you love and appreciate your mother.
I'm absolutely sure you are a good mother, thank you so much for your comment. :P
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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Ekta Swarnkar
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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

Ataylor1997 wrote: 06 Jun 2019, 17:48 Your poem is beautiful and very informative yet simple way of describing a dedicated mother <3
Thanks a lot, I value your appreciation. :P
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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ayemi_chan
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Post by ayemi_chan »

Ummm, its a great poem nevertheless but it could use more improvement, I think you should make it into two stanzas or even make it three, the first one talking all about the things your mother did for you and the second one would be more of a brief message, ang maybe you can omit the lines the talk about laundry and just make it one with the line that starts with maid. There's also some mis used prepositions and you could also elaborate it more because for me I think this is an unfinshed poem or something that left me hanging.

Though this poem is really sweet and you will sure know that it is made from the heart.❤❤
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Nisha Ward
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Post by Nisha Ward »

I liked this. It's short and clear and to the point but it's full of feeling. My only issue is that it really could have been more than one stanza, but that's personal preference.
"...while a book has got to be worthwhile from the point of view of the reader it's got to be worthwhile from the point of view of the writer as well." - Terry Pratchett on The Last Continent and his writing.
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Ekta Swarnkar
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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

ayemi_chan wrote: 07 Jun 2019, 00:55 Ummm, its a great poem nevertheless but it could use more improvement, I think you should make it into two stanzas or even make it three, the first one talking all about the things your mother did for you and the second one would be more of a brief message, ang maybe you can omit the lines the talk about laundry and just make it one with the line that starts with maid. There's also some mis used prepositions and you could also elaborate it more because for me I think this is an unfinshed poem or something that left me hanging.

Though this poem is really sweet and you will sure know that it is made from the heart.❤❤
Thanks for helping me out with mistakes, I'll make changes as soon as possible.😊
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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Ekta Swarnkar
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Post by Ekta Swarnkar »

Nisha Ward wrote: 07 Jun 2019, 08:01 I liked this. It's short and clear and to the point but it's full of feeling. My only issue is that it really could have been more than one stanza, but that's personal preference.
Thank you so much for reading it😊😊
You live your dreams in the characters of the books you read. :techie-studyingbrown:
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