"Silence"

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Abby121
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"Silence"

Post by Abby121 »

The spark of a word slivers out of my throat
Ending in beautiful agony.
Eyes a murky grey riddled with drowning ember

A quiet whisper
A tearful gasp
A wonderful cry
And an eye rests in my palm,
Unblinking,

Still.

A burning chuckle creeps from my throat
Ashes
Ashes
We all fall down
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lennycamacho2019
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Post by lennycamacho2019 »

Good work.

I like this. It denotes pain in making speech happen with words like sliver, burning, and ashes. Dark and concise, a little diamond in the rough.

The way you punctuated it though might look accidental, and it kinda threw me off a couple times focusing more on that than in the message. Good job though.
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Moodykelz_10
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Post by Moodykelz_10 »

I liked this quite dark but powerful.
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mddodgen
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Post by mddodgen »

Wonderful prose. Thank you, I enjoy your work immensely.
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timur777
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Post by timur777 »

Truly enjoyed the poem. I like the melancholy in it. Well delivered.
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Tobewankenobe
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Post by Tobewankenobe »

I like this, it evokes a private scene almost becoming surreal.
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