You, Me and You

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Esme1992
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You, Me and You

Post by Esme1992 » 14 Jul 2019, 14:48

Summer blackened into silver charcoal
Molten glass at the watering hole
The sky has never been so true
And then there was you, me and you.

Apples are red and the grass so green
Dew on daises is rarely seen
A laugh from a child filled with pure delight
And then there was you, me and you that night

I can feel the wind rushing through my veins
I walk a hundred miles in the pouring rain
The thunder cracks straight through my brain
You fill me with sun my love wont wane

Wishing on a star first seen in the sky
An elephant watching as the world passes by
The earth is seen from space as blue
And then there was you, me and you

Astroids shower in shooting star skies
The great living circle lives and dies
Water smoothes down a mountains height
And then there was you, there was us so right

I can feel the wind rushing througn my veins
I walk a hundred miles in the pouring rain
The thunder cracks straight to my brain
You fill me with sun my love wont wane

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Areej Tahir
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Post by Areej Tahir » 16 Jul 2019, 10:40

This poem was extremely well written! a very good job!

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Kate_But_Not_Kaitlyn
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Post by Kate_But_Not_Kaitlyn » 17 Jul 2019, 07:25

I really like all of the detailed description

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mayangodm
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Post by mayangodm » 22 Jul 2019, 12:09

1. The rhymes are skillful and the rhythm is solid
2. "You fill me with sun my love won't wane" is the best usage of alliteration I have seen in a while.
Overall, it is very lovely.

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