After Thoughts

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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thisgirl818
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After Thoughts

Post by thisgirl818 » 13 Apr 2019, 10:03

Take me to a place
Where I can forget him
Burn all those bittersweet feelings
And let oblivion swallow me whole

Take me somewhere
Where I can escape these chains
My soul broken as he left
Leaving nothing else but an unwed ring.

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Jhrs
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Post by Jhrs » 08 May 2019, 22:22

I get it. I like this and I was wanting to read more. It's short and sweet and nothing's wrong with that, but I wanted to know the details behind the story.

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DATo
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Post by DATo » 09 May 2019, 01:52

Jhrs wrote:
08 May 2019, 22:22
I get it. I like this and I was wanting to read more. It's short and sweet and nothing's wrong with that, but I wanted to know the details behind the story.
An artist will tell you that the white areas of a drawing, the areas with no marks in them, can be just as important as the areas with marks in them. The same can sometimes be said for literature and especially poetry. There is that famous six word story by Ernest Hemingway - "Baby shoes for sale. Never used." - We are not told why they were never used. This is what we might call "a white area", but we can easily fill in the void with our imagination. Sometimes not knowing the details can actually add to the drama of the story as is the case (in my opinion) with thisgirl818's poem.

Very nice poem by the way!
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright

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beccabecky
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Post by beccabecky » 21 May 2019, 10:40

It's short, but I rather enjoyed it. Keep writing!

April Ruvs
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Post by April Ruvs » 13 Jul 2019, 11:20

Short and sweet yet very meaningful I love it. Describes me to a tee right now.
"Trust the wisdom of your soul it knows the way" unknown

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ElizaPeaks
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Post by ElizaPeaks » 14 Jul 2019, 15:47

I'll bet a lot of people find your poem relatable in one way or another - I sure do! I love the simplicity, and I think that it's powerful because it's small. It's easy to write too much about something we care about! Then readers get lost, bored, or might feel overwhelmed, especially when a poem is dealing with a sadder topic.

If you're looking for constructive criticism, I would challenge you to come up with more specific imagery. Poetry and lyrical writing attract people because they help us to look at the world in a unique way. For example, it's easy to use the stereotypical imagery of someone's heart shattering into a million pieces, but it's such common imagery that it lacks weight. However, thousands of people have written poetry about heartbreak! And they continue to come up with new ways to convey that to their readers!

I would highly recommend (i)The Poet's Companion(/i) by Kim Addonizio if you're interested in expanding yourself as a poet!

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Areej Tahir
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Post by Areej Tahir » 16 Jul 2019, 10:32

This poem was so relatable and so heartbreaking!

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