Great Game!

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
Post Reply
User avatar
snoggons
Posts: 2
Joined: 01 Mar 2019, 17:28
Bookshelf Size: 0

Great Game!

Post by snoggons » 01 Mar 2019, 17:48

I had a wonderful day today. It all started at the regularly scheduled rugby game, Nomads, my team, vs the Toronto Scottish. They are a good team, but just after the start of the game, a long kick from their front row came end over end right to me on the 25 metre line. I had a bit of running room before their pack could reach me and raced to about centre field and then got off a beauty punt that landed and spun out of bounds at their 3 metre line. Our scrum pushed them back and scored a feet- on try at the edge of the field.
It was my responsibility as full back to kick the conversion after the try and it was from a very acute angle but with tremendous luck It went through the uprights. This gave us a 6 nil lead and the rest of the afternoon went on like clock- work to the point that we were ahead 18 to 6 at half time. The rest of the game was a blur, and I was never really cognizant of the outcome until the beer- up after the game. I was awarded the honour of starting the boot around the room as the most valuable player in the game. I can feel it now.
(The boot is a large glass cavalry boot that holds about 6 bottles of beer and you can drink as much or as little as you want and pass it on, The rub is that when someone finishes it , the guy before him has to pay, and refill it.) This game usually ends after about 3 rounds.
The singing was fabulous “My father makes counterfeit money,” at Mc Carthys’ party”, Clementine, Rhoden school”, and lots of other bawdy lyrics filled the air. Suddenly I felt the urge to get some sleep and apologized and left the party.
It was shortly after that, that I awoke to find that I was hundreds of miles away from Fletchers fields, still over 80 years old, nursing a decrepit body to the finish line ahead, and the delicious feeling I had during the dream rapidly fading. It was a conglomerate of a myriad of games, memories of monumental parties, and the feeling of fellowship that permeates a team over the years. But it faded in the cold light of day and the realization of where I really was insinuated itself into my waking moments.
But I did it once, I really did it, and those guys and gals are with me yet. I hope they always will be, for without memories of great times and tiny victories we have lived in vain.
Recall your own memories, just those of better times, they will bring a smile to your soul, and a bitter sweet hold on your mind, but they are real and they are yours. Remember, “We’re all In this together”,----- Cheers,------ Jack.

User avatar
Eclecticmama
Posts: 137
Joined: 03 Apr 2019, 16:45
2019 Reading Goal: 35
2019 Reading Goal Completion: 20
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 59
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-eclecticmama.html
Latest Review: The Engine Woman's Light by Laurel Anne Hill
Reading Device: B00KC6I06S

Post by Eclecticmama » 30 Apr 2019, 23:00

What a sad twist this one has. I love it though. A very good reminder for all of us, especially in this new age digital world.

User avatar
DC Brown
Posts: 253
Joined: 26 Jul 2018, 08:42
2019 Reading Goal: 55
2019 Reading Goal Completion: 89
2018 Reading Goal: 15
2018 Reading Goal Completion: 340
Currently Reading: Playing Chess with God
Bookshelf Size: 154
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-dc-brown.html
Latest Review: Aftermath by Charles Williams

Post by DC Brown » 17 May 2019, 11:44

And remember while you can. My Mum has had dementia for years and hasn't known me for a very long time, let alone the rest of her loving family or her husband.

User avatar
beccabecky
Posts: 229
Joined: 21 May 2019, 10:18
2019 Reading Goal: 30
2019 Reading Goal Completion: 20
Currently Reading: Restaurant Insanity
Bookshelf Size: 16
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-beccabecky.html
Latest Review: The Geeks Conquer the Universe by Keith Mackie

Post by beccabecky » 21 May 2019, 10:21

Aww, that twist at the end. Congrats!

User avatar
Kris5911
Posts: 41
Joined: 20 May 2019, 21:09
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 9
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-kris5911.html
Latest Review: VieVie La Fontaine by Linda Heavner Gerald

Post by Kris5911 » 01 Jun 2019, 12:19

That was a bittersweet ending. I like it though. Often times my grandma tells of days when she was young and would swing dance on the docks at night, and my dad tells stories of how he rolled in his truck with his uncles while hunting deer on a mountain; I look at the elderly today and I see a window to adventures and tales, and I wish their stories were written down. Even if it is a small excerpt like what you've written.
Memories like these should be kept alive.

User avatar
Caribqueen16
Posts: 21
Joined: 05 Jun 2019, 21:16
Favorite Book: The Employee Millionaire
Currently Reading: From drift to shift
Bookshelf Size: 17
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-caribqueen16.html
Latest Review: Health Tips, Myths, and Tricks by Morton E Tavel, MD

Post by Caribqueen16 » 24 Jun 2019, 20:18

This is an enjoyable short story. Reminiscing about the old days that brought him joy. The character in the story looked back at the happy days instead of the sad ones. If our lives are spared, would we be able to look back at good memories or unhappy ones? However, there are a few grammatical errors in the writing that need to be rectified. Line 7 - "with tremendous luck It went through ..." 'it' instead of 'It'. Line 12 - "as you want and pass it on," there should be a full stop (.) and not a comma (,). "Suddenly, I felt the urge..." there should be a comma (,) after suddenly. Also please check your ( " " ) quotation marks with the songs that the character sang.
Where there is a will, there's got to be a way :D

Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Short Stories”