Energies

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
Post Reply
Backpackroses
Posts: 15
Joined: 05 Sep 2018, 13:41
Currently Reading: If Life Stinks, Get Your Head Outta Your But's
Bookshelf Size: 15
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-backpackroses.html
Latest Review: Purgatory's Angel by B Hughes-Millman

Energies

Post by Backpackroses »

I gathered from various settings, the energies. I hold them in my hands and I don’t let them go. Then after I get home, I gently place my palm to the chest and watch the colours flow.

I’m looking for the perfect energy and I haven’t found it yet.

I retrieve my favourite orb. To me it feels like blue, and I hold it in both my palms. It hums with life and it reminds me of him.

Sometimes, I open the box and the colours haze around my room. Then I feel sad, excited, and scared all at the same time.

I fall asleep with a lavender orb. It brings me comfort and if I imagine my mother, she feels like this. It’s been a long time.

When the day breaks, I rise from my bedding and feel my feet hit the cold hard floor. There’s a stirring in my belly. Every day I feel closer to this energy that feels like home. I need to touch it, I have to feel it, and one day, I will.
User avatar
VandaQ
Posts: 90
Joined: 17 Nov 2018, 05:08
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 11
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-vandaq.html
Latest Review: Something About Ann by J. Everett Prewitt

Post by VandaQ »

Hi, thanks for sharing this! It's a neat piece of flash fiction, I must say. Somehow, this makes me think of very empathetic people and how they must feel, picking up the feelings of other people. Very interesting concept! Hope to see more in the future. :)
User avatar
Espie
Previous Member of the Month
Posts: 4125
Joined: 05 May 2018, 06:36
Favorite Book: Behind the Barbed Wire Fence
Currently Reading: Noah's Quest
Bookshelf Size: 118
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-espie.html
Latest Review: Why Me: Trash Collector, Mental Issues by Nikolay N Bey

Post by Espie »

You've just reminded me of "The Shack." Despite how dull or dark that some situations, things or even ourselves could seem to be, life is still not bereft of hues, shades, and colours. We are beautiful and significant in the beholder's eyes in whose existence we matter.
"Life has many different chapters for us. One bad chapter doesn't mean it's the end of the book."-Unknown
"To err is human; to forgive, divine."-Alexander Pope
"Put GOD first; He'll bless your efforts with success."-Proverbs
Backpackroses
Posts: 15
Joined: 05 Sep 2018, 13:41
Currently Reading: If Life Stinks, Get Your Head Outta Your But's
Bookshelf Size: 15
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-backpackroses.html
Latest Review: Purgatory's Angel by B Hughes-Millman

Post by Backpackroses »

Espie wrote: 22 Nov 2018, 21:34 You've just reminded me of "The Shack." Despite how dull or dark that some situations, things or even ourselves could seem to be, life is still not bereft of hues, shades, and colours. We are beautiful and significant in the beholder's eyes in whose existence we matter.
Oh yes, I agree completely. I've never heard of "The Shack" but I will check it out. Thanks!
Backpackroses
Posts: 15
Joined: 05 Sep 2018, 13:41
Currently Reading: If Life Stinks, Get Your Head Outta Your But's
Bookshelf Size: 15
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-backpackroses.html
Latest Review: Purgatory's Angel by B Hughes-Millman

Post by Backpackroses »

VandaQ wrote: 21 Nov 2018, 15:12 Hi, thanks for sharing this! It's a neat piece of flash fiction, I must say. Somehow, this makes me think of very empathetic people and how they must feel, picking up the feelings of other people. Very interesting concept! Hope to see more in the future. :)
Thank you for reading :) Yes, the idea was born out of empathy. I consider myself a sensitive person so I figured this was one way I could express and interpret all our human emotions.
User avatar
VandaQ
Posts: 90
Joined: 17 Nov 2018, 05:08
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 11
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-vandaq.html
Latest Review: Something About Ann by J. Everett Prewitt

Post by VandaQ »

Backpackroses wrote: 23 Nov 2018, 22:25
VandaQ wrote: 21 Nov 2018, 15:12 Hi, thanks for sharing this! It's a neat piece of flash fiction, I must say. Somehow, this makes me think of very empathetic people and how they must feel, picking up the feelings of other people. Very interesting concept! Hope to see more in the future. :)
Thank you for reading :) Yes, the idea was born out of empathy. I consider myself a sensitive person so I figured this was one way I could express and interpret all our human emotions.
No problem at all and I totally get that. I can relate to that feeling so much sometimes. I like the fact you portrayed the sometimes difficult emotions to deal with as treasures. I feel a lot of empathetic people have a hard time finding a balance and a lot of them close themselves off to feelings because it can be so much at times. So thanks for this beautiful portrayal!
User avatar
Artizi
Posts: 344
Joined: 03 May 2019, 09:46
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 34
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-artizi.html
Latest Review: Burn Zones by Jorge P. Newbery

Post by Artizi »

It's an interesting read for sure. Keep writing and practicing! Kudos
A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies
User avatar
Kate_But_Not_Kaitlyn
Posts: 82
Joined: 13 Jul 2019, 06:44
Currently Reading: Defining Moments of a Free Man from a Black Stream
Bookshelf Size: 10
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-kate-but-not-kaitlyn.html
Latest Review: Letters to Sis by CW3 Cesare Giannetti, US Army (Ret)

Post by Kate_But_Not_Kaitlyn »

Very eloquent while still being simplistic and beautiful. I like how the people in the main character's life are portrayed.
User avatar
Areej Tahir
Posts: 349
Joined: 05 Jan 2019, 04:03
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 43
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-areej-tahir.html
Latest Review: Solaris Seethes (Solaris Saga book 1) by Janet McNulty

Post by Areej Tahir »

This was an interesting read! You should write moree!!
User avatar
Sleipnir_Drew
Posts: 18
Joined: 11 Jul 2019, 11:44
Favorite Book: Oathbringer
Currently Reading: Cynthia and Dan
Bookshelf Size: 19

Post by Sleipnir_Drew »

It makes me think of so many things. It also makes me feel like I am remembering something that I can't quite catch, like a half-forgotten dream. This semi-ambiguous way of writing is amazing, and I will surely like to read a lot more. I would've liked it more if it was a little longer, though. :)
User avatar
mddodgen
Posts: 43
Joined: 19 Aug 2019, 10:28
Favorite Book: Skills of the Warramunga
Currently Reading: It Strikes Again
Bookshelf Size: 48
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-mddodgen.html
Latest Review: The Spirit of Want by William H. Coles
Reading Device: B00I15SB16

Post by mddodgen »

I enjoy your writing and have found myself looking for your submissions in this forum. Please keep writing and submitting.
User avatar
Deepa09k
Posts: 99
Joined: 25 Jun 2019, 01:32
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 30
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-deepa09k.html
Latest Review: We are Voulhire: A New Arrival under Great Skies by Matthew Tysz

Post by Deepa09k »

After picking up all other's emotions, emphathetic people find difficult to define theirs or let go of the things they picked up. Nice potrayal of the same.
TheChii
Posts: 14
Joined: 22 Dec 2019, 15:25
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 15

Post by TheChii »

I really like this portrayal on different emotions and feelings. It really got me to think and I imagined the orbs being real, physical things to collect, which was a very strange, but interesting thought. Can you imagine if feelings were things you physically collected?

I would definitely love to read more material like this.
ThomasTheAttorney
Posts: 12
Joined: 20 Jan 2020, 18:20
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by ThomasTheAttorney »

More of a poem than a short story.
Cwaganagwa Dorothy
Posts: 306
Joined: 15 Dec 2019, 06:07
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 133
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-cwaganagwa-dorothy.html
Latest Review: A Dream For Peace by Dr. Ghoulem Berrah

Post by Cwaganagwa Dorothy »

Thumbs up for you Backpackroses. While reading this story, I detected no grammar or typing errors. Keep producing more quality works.
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Short Stories”