DONE IN

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Rhozel1
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DONE IN

Post by Rhozel1 »

DONE IN

Jenny could see the house from a distance. Her heart beat faster than ever. She was excited, a part of her was afraid, but refused to listen to the voice that gently nudged her to turn back. No way! She fought it, her mind was made. Her friends couldn’t all be wrong. Could something truly be wrong with her? She was bent on showing them that she was just like every one of them. She smiled to herself as she thought of all the reactions she was going to get from them, how differently they were all going to treat her now, no more name calling.
She was so desperate to prove Afua wrong.

As she approached the blue gate, she gently brushed off any dust that must have settled on the purple leather mini skirt she wore revealing her very beautiful legs, with the black crop top, which had a great part of her virgin breast sticking out. She admired her feet in the silver slip-on she wore. She loved how she looked. She reached for her purse as she got her lavender, and graciously lavished herself with its gentle mist. She was super ready!
She rang the bell, and as she expected, Roger came out, looking all so ravishing. Her heart completely melted as he hugged her. His parents were out of town for the weekend, it was going to be real fun for her. She had promised to spend the night with him. At least she was grateful she was in school, her parents could never find out, they lived in another town.

She loved Roger, she figured he felt same, she couldn’t be wrong, not with all the gifts he showered her with. She had refused him for so long, but the pressure from her friends were driving her nuts, they called her all sorts and told her she wasn’t woman enough until she had gone down. Ahhh Afua, always making her feel out of place. But it was all going to end tonight. She was going be a real woman.
She closed her eyes, and waited, as Roger took her. She waited for that out of the world rush Deline and Kwarley had talked about, all she could feel was pain, and Roger was done. He looked at her sarcastically, another innocence added to his list, he had conquered and was ready to move on to the next. It had never been love for him.
She couldn’t wait for morning to leave. Her heart wrenched in pain as she went over his words to her, she felt cheap and dirty, this was far from what she had expected. She had dreamt of how much difference this was going to make in their relationship. How could she have been fooled by him? She thought they were in love. She cried, she should have turned back when that voice nudged her. Nothing that happened this night had been worth it, she would rather be that novice her friends mocked, if only she could turn back the hands of time. She thought, as she slowly counted the minutes to day break.

How can this be? Pregnant? HIV? She looked at the Doctor in disbelieve. It had been 3 months since that episode with Roger, She had been feeling sick and had gone to the hospital. Something definitely is wrong with the test result she said to him, it was just for 9 minutes she screamed, it can’t be!!! I am just 17 years! She sobbed, as the Doctor gently walked her out, he couldn’t console her, he saw it every day.
She would never forgive her friends, but most of all, she could never forgive herself for trading off her most valued treasure so cheaply. She had disobeyed her parents and OH, she felt so bad she hadn’t obeyed God. The pain in her heart was deep as she left the hospital. It’s all over, she thought. Her life, her career, her ambitions, and her parents? She couldn’t think of facing them. At her age? She felt so betrayed!
If only she had known…..
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ChiefFafali1
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Post by ChiefFafali1 »

:tiphat:
Good book..
Teaches the youth to not engage in negative peer pressured activities.
Parents should also make time for their kids and guide them on youthful issues.
Thanks.
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LASERRR__371
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Post by LASERRR__371 »

Nice story
Rhozel1
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Post by Rhozel1 »

Thanks guys 💃💃
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mamusann
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Post by mamusann »

Parents should be friendly and loving to their kids. Nice book.
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AbnAli
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Post by AbnAli »

Very well written and laid out so eloquently. You completely captured feelings, fears, doubts, determinations, everything....I will definitely look for another segment. If you write multiple segments and create a book from them I will definitely be buying 4. I have 4 granddaughters and your writing has the ability to touch right into a young naive peer pressured girls soul. Thanks for sharing. :tiphat:
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Nabil saleh
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Post by Nabil saleh »

very nice book!
Highly encourage & recommended that parents should be friendly & loving to their kids.
Parents are the guide of their kids to open their way for future.
Rhozel1
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Post by Rhozel1 »

Thank you all very much for the review. It means a lot to me.I’m so encouraged to write more.💃💃💃💃💃
Rhozel1
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Post by Rhozel1 »

ChiefFafali1 wrote: 26 Jul 2018, 07:40 :tiphat:
Good book..
Teaches the youth to not engage in negative peer pressured activities.
Parents should also make time for their kids and guide them on youthful issues.
Thanks.
Yes, you’re very right. I wish all parents will pay attention to what happens in the lives of their children.
Thanks for the review.
Rhozel1
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Post by Rhozel1 »

LASERRR__371 wrote: 27 Jul 2018, 11:16 Nice story
Thank you.
Rhozel1
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Post by Rhozel1 »

mamusann wrote: 04 Aug 2018, 16:26 Parents should be friendly and loving to their kids. Nice book.
Thank you. Parents should also get to know who their kids hang out with, it’s very important.
Rhozel1
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Post by Rhozel1 »

AbnAli wrote: 05 Aug 2018, 01:10 Very well written and laid out so eloquently. You completely captured feelings, fears, doubts, determinations, everything....I will definitely look for another segment. If you write multiple segments and create a book from them I will definitely be buying 4. I have 4 granddaughters and your writing has the ability to touch right into a young naive peer pressured girls soul. Thanks for sharing. :tiphat:
Wow!!! Thank you so much for the compliments. I’m really excited reading your review💃💃💃💃.
I’m greatly concerned with how morally upright these young ones grow. I love writing on challenges I think they encounter every now and then. The challenge is on how to get them to listen or even read such articles that will inform them.
We can only do our part, and pray they get it right. Thanks for reading.
Rhozel1
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Post by Rhozel1 »

Nabil saleh wrote: 06 Aug 2018, 07:24 very nice book!
Highly encourage & recommended that parents should be friendly & loving to their kids.
Parents are the guide of their kids to open their way for future.
Parents play a great role in instilling values in their kids. It’s important to also know who their friends are. Thanks for reading.🙏
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