LOST KEY

[shail444]

It was just another day at college for Shail. Nothing unusual except one small thing. Shail, a young lad of 17 who was pursuing his diploma engineering at a polytechnic college, went straight to the schedule board to check if the day's schedule was not over-stretched. He was to attend a birthday party of his childhood friend right after his college ends on that particular day. And he was in no mood of extended hours by prof. Shah, discussing how gasoline is separated from crude oil? His major was PetroChemicals Technology. Baroda, his town was not a very big and at the same time not a very small too. It was an education hub in itself. And also a cultural capital of the state of Gujarat, India.
Shail was of a medium height and wheatish complexion with average looks of any Indian boy. A bright student and had already secured first rank in first semester examinations of his discipline. Generally, he never looked at a digital clock, hanging just above black board, to check how far the end of the day was? But today was a different story. He was looking forward to see many of his old friends whom he had not seen long since. They were all coming to attend the function. Shail found, for the first time in nine months in the college, the clock running unusually slow. Was the battery down? He knew it was not.
At last, a long long day cut short. Shail, without stopping in a common room to gossip with his buddies, ran straight to a parking lot to retrieve his bicycle. He had already planned the shortest route to the venue. Just another half an hour on his bicycle and he would be among his friends celebrating a reunion. He was counting steps to his cycle. Just 100 more. And ahh, there it was. His brand new BSA Mountain Terrain bike his dad had gifted him on his 17th birthday last week was right there where it should’ve been. And a catastrophe struck.
A bicycle key was not in his pant’s right hand pocket. He was sure he had put the key nowhere else but in right hand pocket only. He tried again. Nothing. He tried all the other pockets available. Shirts pockets also. But the only metal piece his fingers could come across was a 5 rupees coin. But where was that damn key. Without wasting time, he retraced his steps in search of his key right from his bicycle to his seat in his classroom. But all in vain. Asked everybody who met him on the way back to his class about his key. He even tried men’s room. Nothing there either.
He looked at his watch. A quarter of an hour had already been wasted. Now what? He also considered keeping his bicycle in a parking lot but rejected that idea immediately. He couldn’t imagine a day in his life without his beloved bike. So, his only option was to get a duplicate key from home. Which meant a loss of another half an hour. Shail’s home was a couple of miles away from his college. But he was left with no other alternates.
He boarded the first available bus to his home from a college bus stand. Retrieved a duplicate key and again boarded a bus to his college. He was lucky to complete that ordeal within half an hour. This time he didn’t take chance by trusting his pockets. The duplicate key never left his hand but remained tightly held in his fist.
By the time he reached the party venue, his friends had left hope of seeing him. But were more than happy to see him entering the hall. Shail practically rushed to them and after handshakes and hugs talked to them without stopping for almost half an hour. He had forgotten the trouble he had taken to reach there.
Time went by very quickly and after the function was over, shail departed from his friends and went to the parking lot to his bicycle. It was getting dark and Shail was desperate to reach his home after a long and exhaustive day.
As he put his hand inside his pant’s right hand pocket, the catastrophe struck again! His index finger slipped through a gap. Somehow his pocket was torn from bottom line. And that much gap was enough for bicycle’s key to slip through. Shail cursed. A range of explicit flowed through his mouth. Why only me, he thought. Why it’s always happening to me only. And that too twice in a single day, one after another. He couldn’t believe his bad luck. Was this a bad luck or his carelessness? He thought about his pocket. Was it torn the first time he lost the key? No way, he thought. If he had noticed that gap in his pocket the very first time, he was not fool to put his key again in the same pocket. It was not torn when the key was lost for the first time. Or he didn’t notice it? In a hest to find the key he might have overlooked that gap. His couldn’t say for sure what happened. But he was back to square again.
His bicycle was there but without a key. He found his bicycle laughing at him for his carelessness. How could his master be so absentminded to lost two keys in succession? Shail was furious at himself for what was happening to him. He cursed his habit of keeping his key not attached to a key chain. It’s not that he didn’t have a key-chain. But he disliked anything other than a key resting in his pocket. He always wanted himself to be free of anything that was not essential. He didn’t even wear gold chain or gold ring for the same reason. He considered them obstructions to his normal being.
He thought, a bulge of a key-chain might have prevented key from a slip. Because, the gap was hardly an inch wide. But it didn’t do him any good. Now what were his options? He didn’t have a second duplicate key at home. He was left with no other option but to take his bicycle back home. This time the distance to his home was about one and a half miles. Shail lifted his bicycle’s rear wheel by lifting rear stand and dragged it’s steering forward. It was not an easy job. By the time he had cleared first mile, his body started aching. His right arm with which he was lifting rear went numb. So Shail decided to take rest. He was perspiring from head to toe contrary to cool breezes flowing upwind direction. When he was ready again, his bicycle was weighing even heavier for him. At last he reached home with his limbs no longer capable of doing anything. His mom, on seeing Shail in a state he was in, skipped a heartbeat or two. But Shail was in no mood to explain what had happened. Just to enter his bedroom seemed a mammoth task. Whole of his body was aching. He had expected his old friend’s birthday party would be a memory to cherish for long time to come. But not in a way it had gone for him. He thought he would never forget this day.
Slowly, he began to undress before going to bath. Put off his T-shirt and with an effort removed his trouser. As he threw his trouser in a corner of his room, suddenly a sound of metal came reverberating back to his ears. It was not a very big sound. But a sound of a small metal piece striking on the marble floor. Suddenly it caught his attention. A small metal piece! A Key!!
He rushed to a corner from which that sound had come and bent down in search of that metal piece. Was it really his key? His lost key? And there it was. His bicycle key, which had caused him trouble throughout the day, was lying there underneath his bed. He extended his right arm and retrieved that key. As he looked at that key, he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. How could his key be with him all the time without his knowing that? It didn’t take long to get realized that while he was laboring with his bicycle, that damn key was right there with him. But where it could’ve been, if not in his pockets? He had thoroughly checked all his pocket before trying other options.
Shail got his trouser back and started examining it in detail. He confirmed that there was an inch long gap in his right side front pocket. So, it was sure his key slipped through that gap. But why it didn’t fall down on the ground? He also checked the hem of his trousers’ right leg. There was a rendezvous of his key. Few stitches of hem were unstitched forming a gap right under the gap in right side pocket. So, as the key slipped through the pocket gap, it fall down right in to the gap of the hem and be there forever. What a coincidence!
This revelation vanished all the fatigue from Shail and he kept starring at the key. Anybody could have seen a glimmer of amusement on Shail’s face in a light reflected from that damn KEY!

[Scarlittle_roots]

The plot is not organized and confusing. If the introduction started with who he is. It should started like that but there are some part of the pharagraph where some information was provided but not sure for what. I was confused. I can tell yes, it was the topic of the lost key. It was actually emphasize there on the middle and ending. It was good but need a good editing. Check again and organized the thought of the story well.

[DATo]

I like your story, and believe it or not this has happened to me. It wasn't a bicycle key, but a small and intricate part that I needed for a very important instrument I was working on at my place of employment. Everyone was searching the floor for about a half hour till, in absolute desperation, I thought of checking the hem / cuff of my pants. And there it was.

You developed the frustration felt by your character very well within the story. I could feel his anguish at each step of the way. Very nice. I don't think I have ever read this use of a "frustration" device in any of the other stories I've read here. It was a very creative approach.

Please write more and thank you for sharing your story with us.

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[Scarlittle_roots]

Agree. Like i said it is good. Because of it just need a little editing. It is an eye opener actually. This story always happens to me. When i am looking for it. Could not find it. But when i give it a rest. Boy! You just never know you found it.

[holsam_87]

Good start to your story, I think it would be really good once your edits are done. This is definitely relatable to me since I have lost my keys beforw.

[BDTheresa]

Well it hasn't happened to me yet but if I was in Shail place I would be shocked. Don't know if I should be angry with myself or not, I will feel numb. Shail is an extremely intelligent guy who passed through all those stress for his bicycle key only to find out it was with him all along. That's really unbelievable and totally shocking. I learnt from Shail's mistake and will keep these lesson in mind. Thanks for the lovely review.

[Rattyhatty]

Sometimes luck can be on your side!
An interesting story but it could use some editing and proofreading. Following the story was quite difficult.

[Jude Austin]

This was an interesting story but it could use a bit of editing. For starters, double-spacing paragraphs would make it a lot easier to read.

[shail444]

The plot is not organized and confusing. If the introduction started with who he is. It should started like that but there are some part of the pharagraph where some information was provided but not sure for what. I was confused. I can tell yes, it was the topic of the lost key. It was actually emphasize there on the middle and ending. It was good but need a good editing. Check again and organized the thought of the story well.

Thanks for you thoughts. Please elaborate what confused you ? I really am eager to edit parts of my story which are confusing to readers. Your inputs will be highly appreciated. Thanks.

[0701716542]

I like it keep it up

[Cardinalsparrow]

Good work. A little more editing is in order