My Brother (Very Short Story)

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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baileerose9
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My Brother (Very Short Story)

Post by baileerose9 »

I often thought about going to a therapist and how he would want to know about my family background. I'd have to tell him about my brother, and he wouldn’t even wait till I finished to commit me. I’d tell him when it all started. How my brother would sit outside my door every night. He’d bang his head over and over, well, at least I think it was his head, I couldn’t tell since he was outside of my door. He’d bang on my door for a good 5 minutes, loud enough for me to hear, but never loud enough to alarm my parents. After he would bang and bang, he’d open my door and stare at me, the light of the hallway making his figure dark and terrifying. Sometimes he would mumble incoherent words that I couldn't understand, a made up language I assumed. Other times, he would laugh a very low and creepy laugh as he looked at me. Most of the time, he just stood and stared. He’d come in my room after some time and pet my head like I was a dog and make noises one would to a baby. Then he would slowly leave my room after about 30 minutes. I would be so scared, i’d sit in bed, up all night. Hence the reason my parents used to say I need to talk to a therapist, find out what was making me not sleep at night since I wouldn’t admit why I couldn’t sleep. One time, I came close to telling my parents, but I didn’t and that night, when he was petting my head, his hand pressed into my throat and his fingers wrapped around my neck, causing me to thrash around. The reason I wouldn’t tell is because I felt he would kill me finally. Like he did himself all those years ago. He has been a figment of my imagination for years, I know that he wasn’t really there, but his touch just feels so real, ya know?
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NICK LAGO
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Post by NICK LAGO »

The writer seems to be writing a fictitious story, but the presentation and setting is so real, and the title very curious, I mean, who doesn't want to read a 'My Brother' or a 'My Sister' story. I think generally we all grew up in some family setting or another, and such experiences tend to reflect on our future attitudes or shape them as we grow older. I like the way the author feels bound by sibling love such that he is at a loss wether or not to tell the parents about the curious behaviour of his brother.
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Samy Lax
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Post by Samy Lax »

Wow! Got my spine tingling. Good one!
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Olublitz
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Post by Olublitz »

One can definitely relate to the character
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Nthabiseng Gabang
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Post by Nthabiseng Gabang »

The writer is excellent at laying out the whole story in an easy to understand way.a reader can definitely relate
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Ayume John
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Post by Ayume John »

Am so desperate and optimistic that that the writer is writing a furious dramatic story and real that he ought to sacrifice and silenced all for him self yet it's a challenge that's requires an attention and support so am impressed of his courage and humanity.
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denis mukundi
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Post by denis mukundi »

This is quite captivating, from the topic to the content. so interesting to read. good piece of literary works.
Ekah Emmanuel
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Post by Ekah Emmanuel »

This is a flash fiction, a short story with a spice of fiction to it. This story has a lot of reality in it even as a fiction, after reading it I began to imagine different stories come into my head, I began to see that boys brother touch me for real even when he was never there to touch me for real, I began to see no one come to my rescue even when I am tormented by an evil or dead person, I began to feel that reality of fear in me. This writer is awesome because flash fictions don't just give you an insight of the story they make you feel like a victim in the story. They make you feel like you are in the story. You are awesome.
Review by: Ekah Emmanuel
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Uche Balogun
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Post by Uche Balogun »

Short, captivating and leaves me unsure, this is my favourite kind of short story.
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Tinkerbell22
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Post by Tinkerbell22 »

The writer has a story I can relate to easily. At certain times, I felt like my own brother was counting my steps and was waiting for me to take the wrong step. He was always looking to get my feelings hurt. Sometimes I felt like I was suffocated by him. The writer is on point with the story.
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

Nice job. I liked it. I love a twist ending!
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Beth470
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Post by Beth470 »

As I read the story, it seemed like his brother had a serious problem until it got to the end. But, if I had been in that situation, I would not be able to sleep either. Well written.
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margienalual
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Post by margienalual »

As I was reading the story, i kinda figure out the thought of the story. The author's brain is on fire as he created a brother in his imagination. The brother really didn't exist. I also have this thinking the author was the brother during his childhood seeking for the same attention.Thank you. :)
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kmkline120
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Post by kmkline120 »

Wow, I really liked this! At first I thought it was going to be about the brother's mental illness and it felt so real. When you revealed that it was actually in the narrator's mind that completely changed the perspective. You could definitely keep going with this and turn it into a longer story.
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Moodykelz_10
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Post by Moodykelz_10 »

This one left me thinking for my own reasons, short but captivating. A great read and when reading seemed very real for the writer, so great job on setting the tension and building it.
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