Lonely People

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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DATo
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Re: Lonely People

Post by DATo »

SilviaP21 wrote:It is such a nice story. I loved reading it and actually felt kind of sad to get to the end. I was hoping for something more but I guess the way it ended was perfect.
Hi SilviaP21, and thank you for responding to my story; also, I see that you are new to the forums so let me be among the first to welcome you.

Several people have responded to the end of my story much as you have. The key to the ending of the story only works if the reader knows who the deceased woman refers to in Real-Life. If you know who Eleanor Rigby is you will find that the story does go on beyond the written ending I have provided.

This puts me in a somewhat awkward position when responding to reader posts because I don't know if the "something more" that readers often expect includes the knowledge of who the deceased actually is or not.

But thank you all the same for responding, and, once again, WELCOME to the forums. [:- )
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Manang Muyang
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Post by Manang Muyang »

DATo, thanks for the story and the inspiration. I too want to write. I hope I can do it soon.
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

Miriam Molina wrote:DATo, thanks for the story and the inspiration. I too want to write. I hope I can do it soon.
Hi Miriam Molina, and thank you for your response. I would encourage you to write now and I would be very interested in reading your work. Writing a story is like painting a landscape: you choose the subject, colors, textures and arrange them in a manner by which your idea can be communicated to someone else. Everyone has ideas for stories though they may not be aware of it. The subject may be inspired by stories told by your parents or grandparents of some sad or funny experience they've had, a song, a poem, or some event or feeling you yourself have experienced. Now the important thing to remember is that the inspiration need not be told verbatim and literally but rather in a manipulated form; that is to say, make the story your own after the initial idea has been given birth in your mind. My story, for instance, was inspired by only one line of Paul McCartney's song which painted a picture in my mind, the rest of the story evolved from that point.

Pick up your pen and start writing, you may be surprised by the results, and as I said to Amagine write something you yourself would would like to read had it been written by another author and you might find that others will like it too.

Thanks once again for the response. [:- )
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Manang Muyang
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Post by Manang Muyang »

Thank you for the encouragement. I've done some poetry, mostly for friends and special occasions. I hope I can be brave enough to try the more serious stuff.
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Post by ANDREW MBAGO »

Thank you Miriam for a brilliantly written story.The descriptions are colorful and you have paced the narrative so well. I see your characters in my mind as i read the story.Only your choice of words make me miss certain parts of the story but i believe it is a writer's license to use the dialect of a particular group in writing.Where ye off to with....? i think you wanted to say where are you off with..
Thank you and keep writing!
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

ANDREW MBAGO wrote:Thank you Miriam for a brilliantly written story.The descriptions are colorful and you have paced the narrative so well. I see your characters in my mind as i read the story.Only your choice of words make me miss certain parts of the story but i believe it is a writer's license to use the dialect of a particular group in writing.Where ye off to with....? i think you wanted to say where are you off with..
Thank you and keep writing!
Hello ANDREW MBAGO,

I'm sure Miriam is very grateful for your response and kind words regarding her story. I see you are new here so please allow me to welcome you to the site. I'm sure you will enjoy participating in the discussions.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Manang Muyang
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Post by Manang Muyang »

DATo, I believe Andrew's comment is for your story as I've not written any. He was only confused because of my post.
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

Miriam Molina wrote:DATo, I believe Andrew's comment is for your story as I've not written any. He was only confused because of my post.
*LOL* I know. I was just having some fun with him.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Vivian Paschal
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Post by Vivian Paschal »

This is pretty nice. I think it is sad that it is just a hobby. I would like to think it can be more than that. You painted a very clear picture and ended with me wanting to read more. It's a powerful story; short but with a lot of meaning and a very important message. Thanks a lot for sharing!
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Ashley Simon
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Post by Ashley Simon »

This is delightful! The story captivated me right off the bat, and your description was so particular - I felt like I was there at the cemetery.
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Post by BoyLazy »

Great post
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Kat Berg
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Post by Kat Berg »

DATo, this is such a strong example of how to do a short story well! Such a pleasure to read!i certainly hope you continue to share your stories!
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Diana Welch
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Post by Diana Welch »

The story is simple and nostalgic which I find very nice. I'm a fan of you now DAto! ;)
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

@Vivian Paschal
@Ashley Simon
@BoyLazy
@Kat Berg
@Diana Welch

Thank you all so much for commenting on my story. I am delighted that you enjoyed reading it and I'm sorry it has taken me so long to acknowledge your posts.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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Nathaniel Gibson
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Post by Nathaniel Gibson »

:D The story is too Inspiring and very educative await more.
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