Moments of Life

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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RachelEmmanuel
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Moments of Life

Post by RachelEmmanuel »

How long had she been in this prison?
Days? Weeks? Months?

She sat on the couch and watched the second's hand on the clock, as the moments of her life slipped by.

"Why do you keep me here?" she had asked him. "I want to be free."
"Freedom is relative," he had said.
"I want to go outside." she said.
"It is not safe," he said.
"But I want to see my parents. I want to go to school."
"Someday," he said. "Just not today."
'But I want to see people's faces. I want to have dinner with a friend."
"Someday," he said. "Just not today."

She sat on the couch and watched the second's hand on the clock, as the moments of her life slipped by.

Then, one day, amazingly, miraculously, he was gone.
Beneath the ground, his cold prison would not release him
She tried the door handle.
It opened.
She stepped outside...
into the sunlight.

But the people stared at her with cold, questioning eyes, their faces hidden from view.
"I want to see your faces," she said.
"It is not safe," they said.
"I want to see my parents. I want to go to school."
"Your parents are old; the schools are closed.
Someday,"
they said, "just not today. "
"I want to have dinner with a friend."
"The restaurants are closed. Your friends are inside.
Someday,"
they said, "just not today."

"Go back inside."
"But I want to be free."
"Freedom is relative," they said.

She stepped back inside her prison and shut the door.
How long would it be?
Days? Weeks? Months?

She sat on the couch and watched the second's hand on the clock, as the moments of her life slipped by.
1 Cor 15: 19-20, 26 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead...The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

Very nice! This would also qualify as a poem in my opinion.

It is an excellent social commentary on the restrictions of freedom engineered or arbitrarily adopted into a national ethos. All nations have created cultural restraints, some of them are necessary and are embodied into law, but then there are the others which are merely the result of popular opinions and trends but can be just as restrictive. One must either comply or be excluded from the group.
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
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RachelEmmanuel
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Post by RachelEmmanuel »

DATo wrote: 16 Jul 2020, 22:42 Very nice! This would also qualify as a poem in my opinion.

It is an excellent social commentary on the restrictions of freedom engineered or arbitrarily adopted into a national ethos. All nations have created cultural restraints, some of them are necessary and are embodied into law, but then there are the others which are merely the result of popular opinions and trends but can be just as restrictive. One must either comply or be excluded from the group.
Yes, if there's one thing these past few months have revealed it's how easily our society can be coerced into compliance. The necessity of the steps taken aside, it is a little frightening how little it takes for us to willingly follow the herd. Thank you for your comment. Your opinion is greatly valued.
1 Cor 15: 19-20, 26 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead...The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
sybilsalins
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Post by sybilsalins »

Moments of life gives an excellent description of life as lived today.Masks that hide not just our faces but our fears. Social distancing a word to stop all mingling and celebration.A tiny virus has caused more havoc than a nuclear explosion. These are lives moments today
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shamayelnur
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Post by shamayelnur »

The short story depicts the present world really well. It kind of caught me off-guard and Im really moved by this piece. The girl being totally unaware of the situation and not being able to see her loved ones is so upsetting.
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RachelEmmanuel
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Post by RachelEmmanuel »

shamayelnur wrote: 05 Aug 2020, 17:50 The short story depicts the present world really well. It kind of caught me off-guard and Im really moved by this piece. The girl being totally unaware of the situation and not being able to see her loved ones is so upsetting.
Thank you for the comment. I guess, for the times we are in, its not really so far fetched.
1 Cor 15: 19-20, 26 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead...The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
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RachelEmmanuel
Posts: 334
Joined: 24 May 2020, 19:46
Currently Reading:
Bookshelf Size: 56
Reviewer Page: onlinebookclub.org/reviews/by-rachelemmanuel.html
Latest Review: Daddy’s Baby Mama’s Maybe by Come Lamore
Reading Device: B00IKPYKWG

Post by RachelEmmanuel »

RachelEmmanuel wrote: 16 Jul 2020, 12:07 How long had she been in this prison?
Days? Weeks? Months?

She sat on the couch and watched the second hand on the clock, as the moments of her life slipped by.

"Why do you keep me here?" she had asked him. "I want to be free."
"Freedom is relative," he had said.
"I want to go outside." she said.
"It is not safe," he said.
"But I want to see my parents. I want to go to school."
"Someday," he said. "Just not today."
'But I want to see people's faces. I want to have dinner with a friend."
"Someday," he said. "Just not today."

She sat on the couch and watched the second hand on the clock, as the moments of her life slipped by.

Then, one day, amazingly, miraculously, he was gone.
Beneath the ground, his cold prison would not release him
She tried the door handle.
It opened.
She stepped outside...
into the sunlight.

But the people stared at her with cold, questioning eyes, their faces hidden from view.
"I want to see your faces," she said.
"It is not safe," they said.
"I want to see my parents. I want to go to school."
"Your parents are old; the schools are closed.
Someday,"
they said, "just not today. "
"I want to have dinner with a friend."
"The restaurants are closed. Your friends are inside.
Someday,"
they said, "just not today."

"Go back inside."
"But I want to be free."
"Freedom is relative," they said.

She stepped back inside her prison and shut the door.
How long would it be?
Days? Weeks? Months?

She sat on the couch and watched the second hand on the clock, as the moments of her life slipped by.
1 Cor 15: 19-20, 26 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.
But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead...The last enemy to be destroyed is death.
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