Story Titled: "The Outlaw''

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Era 1
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Story Titled: "The Outlaw''

Post by Era 1 »

Chapter 1(Welcome to the streets)


"Goodnight carter!''. his mum whispered and turned of the light as as she quietly shut the door and went straight to her room.
After a few minutes of pretending to be asleep carter opened his first eye to be sure his mum wasn't hiding in his room somewhere after scanning the room with one eye and being certain his mom wasn't there he opened his other eye and jumped out of bed " When the cat is away the mice will play''. he whispered to himself grinning from ear to ear.
Carter slowly and quietly opened his door,then sneaked past him parents room and then walked straight into the kitchen(oh! i must have forgotten to tell you Andrew carter is a bloody glutton!!)... when he got to the kitchen he looked around and then grinned "Hmmm where do i begin" he thought to himself "ah i know,i will..... he stop abruptly as he thought he heard sound of footsteps approaching outside,he looked through the window and paused as he saw a man whose face could not be seen, quickly he bent down and thought " that must be dad'' but then he thought again "what's dad doing outside the house by this time''....he shrugged then concluded within him that it wasn't his business,his only business here was to get something to eat and fast!.....Carter then settled to go for some cold pasta in the refrigerator which was not his initial plan,as he headed for the refrigerator he heard the creak of his window,he paused again this time longer than before,then he started hearing footsteps drawing closer " oh sh*t! am bursted'' he said,as he waited in submission to whoever it was that was coming,already having in mind that he would say he came to have a glass of water as he waited for the figure to draw closer his heart skipped,given the fact that he had never been caught before "Dad am sorry for.....he stopped as he saw a man standing right in front of him with blood shot eyes,this man was definitely not his dad!...." who the hell are you?!'' he asked but instead of a reply from the bloodshot eyes man,the man dived at him and grabbed his throat he struggled to let go but he was just a little kid with no strength at all struggling with a man of about 35 years old "stop trying to guess his age at a moment like this'' he murmured out,but loud enough for the man to hear out," what the hell are you saying'',just as he was about to act tough and tell  him "f*ck u!'' he heard the door of his dad room opening "oh thank God'',the blood shot eyes man noticing that quickly threw him to the window,he flew on the air,shattered the window and landed on his back outside of his house,he groaned in pain as he stood up to call for help,he looked through his shattered window and saw the bloodshot eye man striking a match and holding a big keg " Noooooo,mom!!!! dad!!!!'' he scream but was too weak,The man then lit the kitchen on fire quickly, grabbed the kitchen knife and jumped out through the already shattered window, seeing as the man was coming for him with a knife he ran for his dear life,while running he heard a loud explosion he didn't to need to turn back to check if that was his house,he was very certain it was his house,he ran and ran and ran till he fell and collapsed at a Dumpster.

Carter woke up to see four unknown faces looking at him all four were boys looking dirty and unkept,at first they were blur but then started to be very clear,shocked and scared he quickly moved back and managed to mutter "where am i?'' ...the oldest of the boys replied him saying " Welcome to the streets''.
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if you want me to continue chapter 2 of the story comment yes please in the comment section!
ThomasTheAttorney
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Post by ThomasTheAttorney »

Sentences run on. Actions and reactions of the main character are so odd that it prevents believability. You do not know how to resolve the action and use the crutch of your character passing out, which is lazy writing. Have the discipline to actual finish an idea by the end of each chapter.
Cwaganagwa Dorothy
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Post by Cwaganagwa Dorothy »

It's a good plot for your story, but please do proofread because I noticed a number of typing and grammar errors. Just to let you know, always leave a space after a comma and full stop, before your next piece of writing. Please, do continue. It is a good read, but take extra care so as to avoid numerous errors.
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