Spiders For The King

[Kris5911]

Hi folks! I'm trying my hand. Comments, criticism and pointers are welcome, and thanks for passing your time reading here!


In The Valley of Seven Castles lived a king and his six lords. The seven of them ruled the country peaceably until one day the king was assassinated and the child prince was lost in the turmoil of investigation and mourning of the king's death.

For many years the lords fought over the reign of Seven Castles. Fortresses crumbled and villages burned, and a great wailing arose from the people. Nevertheless, the lords waged war all the more to gain the throne.

In Seven Castles lived Wallace, a boy of fourteen who raised himself from a toddler on the streets of villages and the grounds of forests. He taught himself to read, write, and cipher, and to throw a strong fist when it was needed. The boy was especially proud of his success in business as he'd started his own transportation line and was the fine owner of ten carriages which traveled throughout The Valley of Seven Castles to every city and village therein.

Having been on his own from such a young age, Wallace remembered little of his childhood, save a few dreams of soft carpets and many shoes running all around him, so there was really no rush in the boy's life to be a hero and confront lords burning down his neighbor's houses. His business was all Wallace had, the only thing keeping him from sleeping in the streets these days. Transportation was vital in this time of war, and was probably the only reason the six lords and their soldiers had left Wallace and his carriage line alone.

There was, however, a society searching for the missing Prince Herod, all the while protecting those they could and fending off the lords that would proclaim themselves king.

Spinners they were called, and spinning was their life's work for they were spiders all, and their numbers were great and forever multiplying, always working to protect The Valley of Seven Castles. Spiders loyal only to the true king.

Four spiders in particular were keeping their eyes out for the lost prince, for it was their dream to one day spin webs in the high rafters of the palace. Their current home being a tavern, called Mercury's Pub, was a bit of a struggle to keep up, for, while they worked to string up webs, the proprietor, Master Bogart, daily sought to tear down the silken formations meant for his protection. Some humans just didn't understand how important it was to have a spider living in their house.

It was not Jimmy's place to complain about it. Fleur and Fredrick did enough of that for all four of them, and Daphne knew better then they all and kept her mouth silent most of the time, but the four had decided that they must be the ones to find Prince Herod. He would be their ticket to the palace.

As stories would have it, Wallace came rolling up to Mercury's Pub with his carriage and stopped for a pint with his passengers. Truly, the lad was too young for to be swigging the devil's drink down, but Master Bogart wasn't keen on rules, especially when he was making a profit.

It was Jimmy who spotted the prince, or at least recognized the royal birthmark on the lad's throat, when he washed himself at the horse trough. A spidery white patch which made the human look diseased, but it was the royal mark for sure! So Jimmy, Daphne, Fleur, and Fredrick, took their leave of Mercury's Pub to ride with the lost prince on his carriage.

It was by the Spinners' sabotage that one of Wallace's axles broke, and the lad wound up having to turn in at a village in crisis, for battles of the lords were nearby, tearing up the people's crops and vineyards. While Wallace sought to fix his axle, the four spiders whispered among themselves on how they ought to break the news to the boy that he was Prince Herod and heir to the Seven Castle's throne.

Daphne put a stop to the debate by jumping out in front of the lad and declaring unto him, "Prince Herod, enough of this tinkering, get you to the palace and set the lords back in their places of rule. Though, I would personally fire them all for such disgraceful behavior, especially that one who killed your father, King Henry."

Jimmy shook his head at Daphne's lack of tactic. The lad was bound to think her loony and squash her on the spot and so he quickly darted to her aid. "Laddie! Hold your hand! Do hear us out, sir, as it's a matter of your life and others deaths."

Lowering his hand, Wallace crouched to see the spiders better. The first that had spoken was black like a widow in mourning. The second that stopped his action was a fiery orange. And a third and fourth coming out from behind an anvil were purple and blue, each one the size of the palm of his hand. "Since when do spiders speak?" asked he of them, curious, yet suspicious as any boy should be when speaking to a creature with fangs.

"That mark on your neck, don't you know what that is?" asked Fredrick, "It's the mark of royalty, the mark of the king!"

Fleur piped up, all in a clamor that the prince was found and she would be known as one who had done the finding. "You are the king! You have to receive the throne, and punish those who plotted yours and your father's demise, and ravaged the people's land of Seven Castles! If you don't then all is lost, for the Spinners cannot persevere forever! Be quick and say you'll go, you must, for it is your duty!"

"Fleur!" Jimmy thumped her on the head, "What'd you say all that for?"

"He must know! It must be said!" returned Fleur.

"No more grog for you, you're much too hyper," frowned Daphne and she turned back to Wallace, "See here, you're Prince Herod, and you must claim your father's throne."

Wallace furrowed his brow as he considered the words of the Spinners.
"But how can you talk?" he asked once more, "It is not feasible that a creature should talk, or that I should understand your speech for that matter."

Jimmy shuffled his feet uncomfortably at being scrutinized. "Aren't you rather missing the bigger picture here?" They'd opened their mouths and their plan to reach the palace was dashed to the ground. What exactly had he expected from the human?

Wallace was silent once again, imagining himself having to be king of all The Valley of Seven Castles. "I can't be king. How's a little mark prove anything?"

"It is written and is known. The lords cannot deny your birthright when they see the mark," said Fredrick, "and think of all the business you'll take over and improve upon once you bear the crown."

Those were the right words to say, for the lad's eyes beamed at the prospect of working the business of an entire country. He could build aqueducts, open trade, open better fields to the farmers, and fire those lords who were pillaging villages as they battled over their land's boundaries.
Oh, but then he'd also have to behave himself in kingly fashion and put up with the lower lords snobbery which he found deplorable. Wallace looked from one spider to the other. "Why should I believe you? What's a couple of ordinary spiders know about royalty anyway?"

Jimmy, Daphne, Fleur, and Fredrick were actually thrilled to show the young prince. It was through their webbing they told of his heritage and how spiders for centuries have been protecting The Valley of Seven Castles. The silken threads of black, orange, purple and blue hues dazzled and spun tales of history before Wallace's eyes and within the evening, the boy was convinced he was Prince Herod and ready to march off to the castle to claim his throne.

The lords were predictably outraged upon hearing that a young lad traveled to King Henry's castle, claiming to be the lost Prince Herod. But it did put a temporary end to the skirmishes as each lord was curious to see if the boy was the prince or not. There was much debate and argument on whether the mark was proper identification, for none of the lords were familiar with King Henry's son, Herod, and so none could tell if the boy were he or not, save the royal mark.

"Anyone can purposely scar themselves and pretend they're the prince!"

"Why is he coming forward now when we're in the middle of settling the throne for ourselves?"

"This is preposterous! He doesn't look like King Henry at all, throw him into the dungeons to await hanging!"

"Not so fast!" said one lord, "There are four tests which every prince must pass before he can become king. Only a true prince and king can pass these tests. The boy will do them all to prove his claim, or his head will be put on a pike for all deceivers to see."

So the lords agreed to cease and desist all fighting until the claims of the young lad be resolved. The first test was that a prince must be able to fly on his own the next morning at midday. At first Prince Herod was dismayed, for he had not gone to flight school as he would have had he not been lost so many years ago, but the spiders bade him not to worry, Fredrick would save the prince face.

That night Fredrick spun his blue web a hundred fold thick, fashioning it like wings into the young prince's coat, and when morning came to find Prince Herod standing on the highest tower, the people and lords below shouted in astonishment when he leaped into the sky and circled high over their heads. No one was the wiser that the prince flew with the spider's web.

The second test was that the prince must claim the night sky as his own and wear it for all to see and before the lords as he supped with them. Again, Prince Herod was dismayed for he had never traveled the heavens before, much less inquired how one might touch it! But the spiders assured him that all would be well and all that night and the next day, Daphne spun her webs. At last when the time came, Daphne draped her work on the prince's shoulders.

The people and lords gasped when they saw Prince Herod walk down the long hall, for round about him was the darkest shroud of night and inside it, stars glittering their light. Some dared to reach out and feel, and gasped to find the cool air of night. Forsooth, the lad was wearing the night sky! It wasn't enough, the lords harrumphed their displeasure at Prince Herod's success, but there were two tests yet to be passed.

"He should fail! He must fail!" hissed a lord softly to himself, "I killed the king and the boy also, or thought I did. If truly he has returned from the dead, he cannot possibly have been trained to pass the last two tests! He will fail, he must!"

Prince Herod was none too pleased to hear the announcing of the the test. It is said that a prince cannot be burned by fire. Should they find this to be true at the furnaces the next morning before dinner, he will have passed. How can any man succeed in these tasks without help? wondered the prince.

Jimmy bowed low before the prince and offered him words of comfort. "Have we failed thee yet? Fear not the new day, leave it to me." Jimmy went to work spinning his web and by day break he found he was not yet finished, and the prince began to panic as he was led to the furnaces. Just when Prince Herod had decided to grin and bear his fate, and just as the flames came leaping from the coal beds below, Jimmy was there and threw around the prince a fiery orange cloak covering him from head to foot.

Through the fire he walked and even danced a little in relief, taunting the flames he was protected from, and astounding the spectators and lords. Even as the fires were put out, the cloak flashed its black and orange tongues round about the prince making people fear and believe he captured the fire as well as the night sky. Then, with a grand flourish of his arms and hands, the cloak of fire was gone.

All the lords were afraid now, save the one guilty of the king's murder. His anger was kindled and his wrath spurred. In no way would he allow the prince to pass the final test! He would kill him first!

Having passed the first three tests and there being but one left, Prince Herod was feeling rather confident and was especially pleased to hear the last. A true prince can walk the perimeter of his kingdom blindfolded, never once stepping foot on foreign soil. Wallace, that is, Prince Herod, had traveled the borders many times. Land was his game, there would be no need for the spiders assistance this time.

The next morning Prince Herod was blinded with a special tar that would wash out in a day, and began walking the kingdom's perimeter, and was doing very well until that lord who wished him dead appeared to slay the young boy.

Spinners all around were aware of this evil lurking in the shadows and had formed a webbing to hide the future king of the Seven Castles. For some time their shroud worked, but the lord was conniving and found Prince Herod as he walked the overhanging Cliffs of Clover.

A sword was poised and the lord lunged but found his blade deflected. Again and again the lord attempted to slay Prince Herod on the path he walked, but his blade was deflected each time by a webbed purple sheen of light, courtesy of Fleur, the fourth spider of his majesty's acquaintance.

The lord attempting to take the boy's life was so caught up in his cursing and wielding of the sword that he did not notice they had come full circle, and spectators witnessed his actions. Soldiers at arms arrested him on sight and dragged the evil lord to the dungeons to await his punishment.

As for the other five lords and the people of The Valley of Seven Castles, they rejoiced with a great noise, for their lost prince had been found, and there was a rightful king to sit on the throne once again!

And that is how Jimmy, Daphne, Fleur, and Fredrick, earned their webs in the king's castle.

End of story.

[SunVixen]

This is really a very funny and interesting story. Spiders who find the lost prince and help him regain the throne!
Also, this story really looks like an old legend. Great work!

[Caribqueen16]

Unique story.The story got interesting when the society of spinners were introduced. I did not expect them to be actual spiders and the fact that they also had the gift of speech. They appeared more like the Prince guardian angels. They protected him from harm until he was able to take his place on the throne. I have one comment to make - the word "toddler", which was used to describe Wallace as a young child. A "toddler" is a child now learning to walk and it is hardly likely that Wallace could take of himself on the streets at that age. It could have been stated that he lived on the streets from a young boy (7 or 8 years old).

[Kris5911]

This is really a very funny and interesting story. Spiders who find the lost prince and help him regain the throne!
Also, this story really looks like an old legend. Great work!

I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reading.

[Kris5911]

Unique story.The story got interesting when the society of spinners were introduced. I did not expect them to be actual spiders and the fact that they also had the gift of speech. They appeared more like the Prince guardian angels. They protected him from harm until he was able to take his place on the throne. I have one comment to make - the word "toddler", which was used to describe Wallace as a young child. A "toddler" is a child now learning to walk and it is hardly likely that Wallace could take of himself on the streets at that age. It could have been stated that he lived on the streets from a young boy (7 or 8 years old).

Aha, I see. Thank you for reading and pointing that out!

[SunVixen]

This is really a very funny and interesting story. Spiders who find the lost prince and help him regain the throne!
Also, this story really looks like an old legend. Great work!

I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reading.

It really was fun. Friendly spiders with personalities and even human names!

[Mburke24]

Thanks for sharing this. It was a fun story to read and would be a fun one to tell, too! It also sparked an idea of my own for a short story. Thanks again.

[Kris5911]

Thanks for sharing this. It was a fun story to read and would be a fun one to tell, too! It also sparked an idea of my own for a short story. Thanks again.

Thank you for reading.

Hope that spark lights a fuse to a dynamite story.

[Moodykelz_10]

I loved this story, it was witty and original. I really got into when the 4 tests began it just flowed really well and was a satisfying read.
A great talent

[ThomasTheAttorney]

Finally, an actual short story! And a nice one at that. What is" "Fredrick would save the prince 'face'." Misspelled "princes' fate"? A toddler is a child that does not swing his arms when walking, which they learn at about 2 or 3, or a child before kindergarten, at 5 or 6 years old.

No excess words. Every sentence take you to the end. I challenge you to trim it down. I think you could make it more clear they are humans and spider when they are introduced. Like "small spiders who had a little magic, could speak, and remained loyal to the king." It is not necessary, but would give the story broader recommendation. The story does not rely on tricking the reader.

I appreciate the work of your editor friend, and your many rewrites. Good job.

[sevencrows]

This is such a beautiful idea, and it reads like an epic version of a fairy tale!

[Cwaganagwa Dorothy]

This story is not only fantastic, incredible but also intriguing and captivating. I love the four tests and I think you took your time, while thinking about each of them. I disappointed by the fact that this is a creative short story, add more chapters so that we review your book. This piece is truly an outstanding fantasy. Horry.

[Kris5911]

Thanks guys for reading and for your comments!

[mary-annef]

I think this has great promise. My one recommendation would be to choose a consistent period for your dialogue. For the most part, you adopt "old-style" English which fits the story nicely. But then you introduce modern slang terms like "hyper." The effect is to jerk the reader out of the world that you've drawn them into so nicely.

[Kris5911]

I think this has great promise. My one recommendation would be to choose a consistent period for your dialogue. For the most part, you adopt "old-style" English which fits the story nicely. But then you introduce modern slang terms like "hyper." The effect is to jerk the reader out of the world that you've drawn them into so nicely.

Oh, I've read books and had that exact experience, and I've gone and done the same thing in my own writing. Thanks for spotting that and pointing it out!