How day and night came to be

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Artizi
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How day and night came to be

Post by Artizi » 10 May 2019, 13:33

The day

The sunflowers stared up at him, and he gazed straight back, irked by such unphased attention. People usually strolled around the earth, aware that he was there, yet forever ignoring his presence. Should anyone be foolish enough to break this unspoken rule, they'd immediately regretted such attempt, finding themselves dazzled by his brilliance.

Yet not the sunflowers. They watched him without shame, proud of their boldness. The swarthy-faces plebeians did not seem to bow to him. They remained motionless, quietly turning their faces when he moved, as he roamed the sky seeking to dodge their unblinking stares.

Finally, in an attempt to flee their constant gazes, he reached the ground and, much to his surprise, noticed it wasn't solid and could readily step through this invisible barrier, and finally found himself alone, unbothered.

And so, sunflowers lowered their heads, saddened by the departure of the presence they admired the most. The sun remained on the other side of the ground, triumphant. Many hours slipped by, and with each passing minute, his impatience only seemed to grow, along with the feeling of utter lonesomeness, and began to miss his faithful observers.

Spying through the cracks of his hiding spot behind the horizon, he saw they did now seem to mind his departure, now worshiping a new makeshift god in his absence: the dull, unimpressive ground.

Feeling jealous, he rushed out of hiding and noticed, much to his pleasure, that the sunflowers immediately turned upward, ready to admire him.

Since then, the sun flees and returns to its spectators with capricious unpunctuality. They, however, await patiently his return.


The Night

When the Sun decided to hide, the world suddenly turned dark. Human beings could no longer see each other, and the animals laid down on their stomachs to avoid stumbling over their own missing shadows.

A beautiful maiden, with skin as white as snow and eyes as dark as the now endless obscurity, sat under the empty sky, wondering in silence how she could possibly save her people, who hopelessly awaited blindly for the return of the proud sun.

It was in her quiet despair that she decided to embark on her quest, a quest meant to find the capricious god and explain the million reasons why he should come back, bring happiness and light back to the world.

And yet, how was a maiden as herself to ever reach the heavens above and find such a fickle god? How was she to discover his hiding place from the darkness of the ground?

Feeling miserable, the fair maiden began to sob, hiding her pale face against her hands. His tears, noticing the beauty and selfless spirit hiding inside her heart, escaped from her cheeks and between her fingers, ascending to the dark skies so that she might reach higher peaks than any human ever had before, climbing tear after tear to finally reach the sun's abode. They sparkled among hundred of their fellow brothers and sisters so that the young maiden might see them in the dark.

Elated by the discovery of her new friends, she jumped to her feet, and finally being able to see where she stepped, began to climb higher and higher up onto the sky. Only once she reached the very peak of the sky, could the maiden discover the sun's hideout.

So lost was the maiden in her own journey, that she did not notice what was happening down on Earth: Men and women, animals and plants, could finally see one another once more, every one of them bathed in dim white light.

Staring up onto the sky, they witnessed the pale-faced maiden stood there, surrounded by hundreds of small lights embellishing her beauty.

Moon was the name of this young woman chasing the sun, rushing behind his footsteps and trying to catch up with the arrogant god, to finally bring sense to his capricious ways. The tears, faithful to their beloved mistress, followed behind to protect her.

What Moon could not notice, as she continued to chase his tracks, was that behind her, the sun loomed back up in the sky and the sunflowers raised their swarthy faces up once more, ignoring the ground beneath their stems and roots.

Moon never did find the sun, as he forever left moments before she arrived. Yet she did not grow tired or lonely: her tears lighted up the road so that men and beast could witness her neverending journey through the sky, knowing that soon the sun would return.
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Dragonsend
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Post by Dragonsend » 11 May 2019, 13:00

Awesome!!🙂 What a wonderful story! Thank you so much, " noticing the beautiful and selfless spirit, " truly simple idea but beautiful writing. Want to say the day was wonderful too.
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. 2 Peter 3:9 :angelic-grayflying:

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Post by Artizi » 12 May 2019, 09:48

Dragonsend wrote:
11 May 2019, 13:00
Awesome!!🙂 What a wonderful story! Thank you so much, " noticing the beautiful and selfless spirit, " truly simple idea but beautiful writing. Want to say the day was wonderful too.
Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by :)
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Post by ErikaP13 » 12 May 2019, 14:29

I have never seen someone describe a sunflower as a plebeian. I love it.

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Post by Artizi » 13 May 2019, 14:56

ErikaP13 wrote:
12 May 2019, 14:29
I have never seen someone describe a sunflower as a plebeian. I love it.
Thank you! It's the sun's opinion, of course, not my own, lol! But I'm glad you fancied it :)
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Post by ErikaP13 » 14 May 2019, 12:07

Artizi wrote:
13 May 2019, 14:56
ErikaP13 wrote:
12 May 2019, 14:29
I have never seen someone describe a sunflower as a plebeian. I love it.
Thank you! It's the sun's opinion, of course, not my own, lol! But I'm glad you fancied it :)
Well, if the sun said it, it must be true :lol:

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Post by Artizi » 16 May 2019, 07:34

ErikaP13 wrote:
14 May 2019, 12:07
Artizi wrote:
13 May 2019, 14:56
ErikaP13 wrote:
12 May 2019, 14:29
I have never seen someone describe a sunflower as a plebeian. I love it.
Thank you! It's the sun's opinion, of course, not my own, lol! But I'm glad you fancied it :)
Well, if the sun said it, it must be true :lol:
Indeed it must be! :D
Thanks for your reply!
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Post by maggi3 » 16 May 2019, 13:55

This is beautifully written. I especially liked the phrases "swarthy-faced plebians" and "... returns to its spectators with capricious unpunctuality." Nice work!

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Post by Artizi » 18 May 2019, 21:51

maggi3 wrote:
16 May 2019, 13:55
This is beautifully written. I especially liked the phrases "swarthy-faced plebians" and "... returns to its spectators with capricious unpunctuality." Nice work!
Thank you so much for your feedback!! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Post by Sleipnir_Drew » 16 Jul 2019, 19:05

What an amazing and beautiful story. The way you wrote this makes me feel like I'm reading some piece of an old legend, maybe part of something bigger. Written, in my humble opinion, with no more or fewer words than needed to obtain this lovely result. KUDOS.

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Post by Moodykelz_10 » 25 Aug 2019, 16:32

I loved this little tale, it was well written and could easily be a story passed on to little children if they ever asked about the moon and the sun like some sort of mythical tale that we often hear about the stars. A really lovely story.

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Post by Ben Moore » 26 Aug 2019, 06:53

Beautiful! It reads like a classic ancient story explaining the natural world!
'All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling' - Oscar Wilde
'Am reading more Oscar Wilde. What a tiresome, affected sod' - Noël Coward

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Post by ErikaP13 » 26 Aug 2019, 10:52

I want to use this piece as an example of creative writing for one of my students and also to analyse. Would you have a problem if I do that?

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Post by DD129 » 31 Aug 2019, 09:46

I love creation stories, so when I saw the title, I just had to click! Your writing is beautiful and the story is incredibly creative; I loved it!

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Post by LyorBoone » 16 Sep 2019, 15:44

That's unique thought, to think the Sun is constantly fleeing the its Moon follower. I guess in this story the Sun doesn't know he's being followed, so he's wondering around aimlessly. Procrastination might have saved the moon from starting her never ending journey...
“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme” - Mark Twain. Dare we say the same thing about every story that gets told in the world?

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