'Where is mama?' I needed her right now. I didn't bother to think about what my in-laws would think about my attitude. 'Will they think i am an absolute no-match for Raghav?'
Well,i certainly don't care. I needed my mama. How could she just have disappeared during the wedding rituals? She was supposed to be there with me especially when i was pronouncing my vows publicly to the most affectionate person I could have only met through the elegant, conspicuous eyes of my mama.
'Mama!!!' I had shouted out loud. I barged into her room and violently opened the doors of her wardrobe.
Nothing was amiss. It was just the way it was. Perhaps,more organized and meticulously tidy.
'No,no. There is something wrong. I clearly recall her long dresses not having been ironed in a long time. She works to ensure our clothes were always ironed on time. But no one bothered to look or even peek at the stash of her clothes.'
My kohl was slowly getting smudged as an emerging fat tear rested on my lower eyelid as i saw a folded envelope on the bedside table. I unfolded the envelope and began reading the precious words flowing from the soul of my mama.
'Dearest Mehak,
Being immersed in self-doubt and bursts of childlike temperaments, my heart skipped a beat as i remember reaching two differing paths.
One where my gut knew that's not where i belonged,
Which pulled me away from the world that i had crafted in my mind,
Yet tempted me to fit myself in for that's where family belonged,
That's where your brain dominated,taking practical decisions,avoiding all sorts of skepticism, doubts and rejection.
Pleasing all with a pseudo-smile, bringing about a misrepresentation of an atmosphere filled with 'attractive meta tags' associating you with materialism and success.
But what about the second path? Why do you hesitate to even tread on the path less traveled? Have you stopped to ponder upon the reason behind your brain's act of hindering what your heart truly relishes? If it desires miracles, why aren't you training your mind to be open to the beautiful colors of life?
Today, i write to you once again,decades after with strong resilience and willpower to start life anew. I had fallen dead ages ago when i met your papa. He might have been a great papa but what do i really have in him as a mate for life? I can't say much. That doesn't mean my heart is devoid of emotional feelings for him. Try reading further and perhaps you can comprehend.
You had always been a great companion for me ever since your birth. I could confide in you the darkest truths of my life just by looking at your face for it emits a beautiful vibe of hope and intimacy. That you wouldn't judge me for my feelings which could barely be understood by your papa who couldn't leave any stone unturned, as seen through his contemptuous laughter at the sensitive feelings that i possess. The very prospect of being judged constantly and talking about your inner feelings in front of others can stifle the happiness you once thought was in your hamper of life experiences after marital bliss.
I felt i found myself emerging in ecstasy upon your knock at my doorstep. You took just 12 months after the subsiding marital hues and stood by me throughout my life, bringing me closer to myself with each passing year. Your eyes spoke volumes of why your papa took so long to come back home. Sometimes he never made it.But never did you hear me fret about it.Have you ever wondered why?
Life has its dramatic moments, you and i especially knew it in your teenage years. Betrayals and judgments from friends you had made me believe that i am ever so glad to be by your side, without questioning anything. Because as a true soul, i just knew what the heavens you were going through. I had been there too dear, struggling all my life. Turning out to recoil deeper,tying the knots of introversion as tightly as i could so that no one dared break my walls.
My introversion had always been misunderstood but in your case, you saw a friend in me and started sharing everything with me,many months later.
My baby girl, you always will be. Remember the awkwardness you felt upon meeting Raghav? The fact that you didn't even notice his presence until he met you the fifth time, when i actually had to introduce you to him, just made me laugh heartily as you mirrored me when i used to be your age. Guys interested me the least. All i could say is no matter the endless times i prayed to God to not make you like me, you just turned out to be me, perhaps a glamorous and a sexier me.
I could keep writing for this is literally how i communicate fluently. Your papa would always call me a lady of few words but that's because he couldn't see the beauty of introversion and distinct love languages that we both harbored.
Your attachments to me are slowly melding away, getting more brittle with the imminent distance that we both are about to take from each other. All these years, i have always let you dream,take risks, face failures and bounce back after stumbling upon hard patches in life. It is time to tread the path less traveled, my Mehak.
You can't achieve anything with the prospect of pleasing everyone. If no one hates you, there must be something truly wrong for that's called compromising the quality of life God has gifted you. Embrace your life by taking charge of it, as much as possible in whatever ways you can. I have wasted my years serving your papa who never truly understood me but i stood by, only for you, only glad about it. Not wanting you to turn into someone who gives up on her dreams post marriage. I had not become so adamant and demanding to attain my reality.
Today i realized it upon hearing your's and Raghav's vows. I was there, dear but you didn't see me as i was right at the back. As i heard the exchange of vows, i felt my heart gradually engulfing in flames. Despite acknowledging myself as a true introvert, i have never dared to make my passionate life public. I had a second love which was kept private till now, which i intend to expose it,only to you.
I am leaving your papa behind for the life i truly desire and love. For the glow of my life to return eternally to me, i am embarking on a new journey,a new career for myself. I am not seeking anyone's approval for this is my life. My eternity.
The only advice i have for you is to take care of your papa. He will be shattered because he loves me too much to admit. You and Raghav are about to enter an adventurous and tumultuous life of your own. Be there to support each other, not like me or your papa in any case.
Mehak, i will always be grateful to you for bringing me back. Alive. Free from the depressive state i had silently suffered over all these years. You have illuminated me with an everlasting ray of hope, which i intend to bring with me till my grave.'
'Aww mama!!'
Mehak became extremely poignant as she recalled her memories as her mama blended into being the most special friend in her life. To receive such an incredible honor was enlightening and blissful. She wiped her tears and saw Raghav outside her mama's room. Raghav held the knuckles of both her hands and pressed mildly, gesticulating to her to smile. He swept her off the floor and brought her to the kitchen, where there was a gateway to a deserted path.
Mehak was surprised. Raghav smiled and took her hand as they slowly began to embrace the path less traveled, in the undying hopes of meeting the special person who brought them together--Meera, their very own mama!!!
Cheers,
JK
