Adventures of an innocent calabar boy

[Ephraim001]

-ADVENTURES OF AN INNOCENT CALABAR BOY-

"You're not eating in this house today if you don't wash the plates, arrange the house and weed the grasses at the backyard!!" Mom was yelling at the top of her voice.

If it wasn't for this ASUU strike and their wahala, what would I have been doing at home by now. Sometimes I wish I was in a private university. But where man wan see the money ko?

"Mama abeg, learn to put please when you are asking somebody to do something okay?"
"You're very mad for saying that. Come and remove the please from my mouth na.. Idiot"

Momsy is my favorite, she's my most preferable and my first choice. We quarrel almost all time of the day, but I was still her bestie. Maybe the reason is because I'm the last born oh.. Me self no know sha.
"You want to dare a whole Ephraim Shebi? Okay na, I'll wash and clean everything.. But that'll be tomorrow. Today won't work" I was using her to play.
"Go to hell! All I'm saying is that you won't eat until you do what I sent you."

I walked out of the house.
"Mama bye bye oh.. Chop the house. I'm going to the field."
"If your mama born you well, tell me bye bye again.. You're mad"
I heard her running towards the door and I took to my heels. I knew Ofcourse she had her slippers in hand to stone my head.

On my way to the field, I couldn't help but imagine how I would have been without mom. She was the best I could have ever asked for. Although we fight like cats and rats, it was virtually impossible for me to stay a day without hearing her voice when I'm in school.
My thoughts were still running from mama and her wahala to another thing entirely when I saw something that caught my attention instantly.

A somehow chubby girl wearing a shining white trouser was walking at the other end of the road, she was using her phone with earpiece plugged to her ears. Enjoying herself I thought.
Have I ever told you I love fat girls? Oh I didn't? Okay, fat girls rocks. My spec.

But there was something terribly wrong with her.
I ran to her, tapped her hands and took her aside.
She turned and looked at me in surprise.
"Young man who are you and why did you do what you just did?"
"Sorry oh, I've been calling you but your ears were blocked."
"Well, that's not what I asked you" her voice sounded in a commanding tone.
"Oya see, check out your buttocks na, your trouser is soaked with your monthly visitor. you've seen why I stopped you ba?"

"Oh Lord!" She shouted and ran to the back of a shop to check it.
I decided to check her at the back.
"Please stop there, don't come. I'm messy now."
"I saw it before you na, I'm coming."
I went there and she bent her head. She felt embarrassed.
"My dear, I have three elder sisters. There's nothing I don't know. You can't stay here. Take my t-shirt and wrap around your bum."
After some hesitation, she sluggishly took it and wore it around her waist.
"How will I get my shirt back biko?"
"Give me your number, I'll call you."
"Nop. I'm coming with you to know your house so I will come and get it myself."
And that was how I found myself walking with this beautiful fatty.
I suggested I should follow her to her house, not because of anything, but I just had to. She needed someone right now to ease the pains and embarrassment on her.
On our way going, she brought up the talk.
"How come you're a guy and you know about this to this extent?"
"Hehehe this girl dey ask funny question sha. Well, I'm the last born in a family of seven. The first three are females. Besides, I've also learnt it in school. So you see?"
I loved moments like this. I was already feeling fly.
Her big heavy legs marching on the ground and her fat arms were all making my tummy filled with food.
After walking for about thirty minutes, we stopped at a giant gate.
"This is my house. I'm expecting you tomorrow. Bye bye" she walked inside and banged the gate gate at my face.
Jesu!
Why the sudden change na? Somebody that was laughing with me just now has transformed into a wolf.
"Make tomorrow reach first and I come to take my shirt, make you try tell me stories. Waka there. Wicked girl" I was saying all these in my mind.
On my way back, I lost interest in the football and decided to go back home. This girl just spoilt my mood.
When I got to the house, mom was fast asleep. I tiptoed into the kitchen, drank Cold water and started working.
I cleaned everywhere. Washed mom's clothes and even did extra work that wasn't needed.
She woke up and shouted
"My boy my boy! You see why I love you? And you have not eaten oh!!
I was now pretending to be fast asleep.
I Peeped with one eye and I could see her running around the house preparing food for me. She was just awesome.
I was still eating when the flash of that witch of a girl came flying into my mind. I just signed and continued eating.
Night came and I slept off on the chair while thinking of the manner less way the girl treated me.
Early the next morning, I did my chores and other things. Before I could finish, it was past one in the afternoon. I told mom everything that happened the previous day and she told me to take a chill pill, saying maybe the girl was rushing to go inside.
At exactly 3pm I left the house, by 3:45pm I arrived at her gate.
"Knock knock" I hit the gate.
"Who's there?" A thick heavy voice barked from inside.
"I'm here to see someone please" I replied calmly.
The gate opened and a man came out from inside with a camouflage uniform and a horsewhip (koboko) in his hand.
"Who are you?" He bellowed again.
This time I was frozen.
Jesus! This girl didn't tell me her father has soldiers as gatemen.
I died and woke up seven times.
"Young man! Who are you for the last time?"
"Sir good afternoon sir.. Sorry.. I .. erm erm.. I came.. I come.. I came to see one girl that lives here." I was shivering.
"Which girl? What's her name?"
At that point I remembered I didn't ask of her name.
"Sir I don't know o" tears were dripping from my eyes.
My mind was talking to me now "Gbam Gbam! Ephraim your sin don catch you today.. So na so I use die oh"

"My friend lie down!! Bloody civilian" the soldier man thundered.
In a millisecond I was lying flat on the ground shaking.
"You'll lie down there until night. You'll so frog jump till daybreak. You these young boys that won't allow my boss daughter to rest.
After three hours of lying down, I heard the honking of a car
Peem peeeeem!!!!
"I'm coming sir!"
A hilux army car drove in, followed by a black RAV4 jeep and then another escort car.
They parked the car and all the soldiers came down and stood at attention. Including the gateman.
Immediately the jeep opened, a fat man in army uniform came down, followed by a girl. The monthly visitor girl. Lol.
Immediately our eyes met, she shouted
"What!!!! What rubbish!!!! Daddy you see this cruel and heartless act? Daddy you see what Yusuf is doing to this guy? This is the guy I've been telling about.
She ran to me, dragged me up. She was crying.
The father was still mute.
After minutes, he spoke like a lion
"Meet me inside my boy"
Jeez! Is this happening?!
I went inside the house and met the girl and her Father sitting on the couch.
"Sit down my boy. I am Commander Asuquo. My daughter Gloria told me everything you did yesterday. You're a good man and I love you for that."
"Thank you sir" I bowed.
"Good. Now who are you?"
"I'm Ephraim sir, a student of the university of Calabar."
"Wow!! And my daughter just registered for jamb and she chose unical. You' look like a sharp boy. You'll be coming over to do home lesson for her every day until the strike is called off. Okay?"
"No problem sir" I bowed again.
Gloria winked at me and smiled. Wow! So she was ashamed yesterday because of what happened. Okay oh.
I was served juice and biscuit. I was even watching television with my legs crossed on the table. As a big man concerned na
I left the house around 7pm and it was Gloria that escorted me to the junction.

I slept that night like a king. I slept smiling.

The next day, I prepared for the lessons and left the house.
I arrived there and only Gloria was around.
We started the lesson immediately and she was a fast learner indeed.

Few hours into the lesson, Gloria started acting strange, licking her lips at intervals and closing her eyes seductively.

I understood what was about to happen, but the fear of army man is the beginning of avoiding death.
I looked at her in the face and told her Straight up
"I understand what's up. But I can't try anything here. Just do well in your exams and get admitted. We will have all the time to ourselves. By then I'll show you the real me."
She understood my point and laughed with me.


"I promise to do my best." She said and gave me a big hug.

Blackout

Ephraim Reuben Peter
Copyright 2019

[DC Brown]

I enjoy reading things from cultures other than mine. Thank you for sharing your story!