Question over a long-standing marriage

[Harty Muli]

It's difficult to say how much time they spent trying to resolve differences before they moved on. People change a lot, and it sounds like they grew apart for a long time. I also think it was interesting that Mark took the time to reflect and make a list of what was important to him in a partner before moving on. In the book, it sounds like it was ultimately a healthy choice for both Mark and Patty to be able to move on, even if it was pretty painful.

Yes, I was intrigued by the existence of over two hundred qualities Mark came up with for his potential future mate. I think the divorce forced him to become a better husband to Crystal.

[Harty Muli]

With both Mark and Patty gracefully refusing to discuss in public their differences (which I personally think is the best a divorced couple could do for themselves and for their children), the book only gives the hearsay by a former accountant of the couple who, having been fired by Patty, is an unlikely "impartial judge" on the matter. If the differences Patty and Mark reportedly had in relation to spending and success credits are indeed true, I think it was not a matter of time to rescue the marriage. There is a saying that a talented person lives more than one life. My personal view is that Mark's and Patty's personalities outgrew the boundaries of their relationship. And I do not think that Mark deserves the estrangement by his daughters by Patty - for all I can glean from his attitude to people in general, Mark must be loving his daughters with all his passion - one example is his turning to a healer friend asking her to pray for his daughter when Elizabeth was sick - which indeed helped . I hope that Mark's daughters will come to appreciate their father's love for them.

True. The issue about the prayers from Sara O’Meara for Mark’s daughter Elisabeth cemented my views about Mark being a very faithful person. I think this was the basis for his strong relationships with all he encountered. It's thus sad and heartbreaking for him that his relationship with his daughters went south the moment he lost Patty to the divorce.

[Harty Muli]

I disagree with divorce in general terms. But it is true that every case is different. If the health (both mental and physical) and safety is at risk, it is better to separate. Why live together if you can no longer feel happy together. You might end up depressed. And that is not a good thing.

I agree with you. Though, I find it ironic Mark got along well with everyone except Patty. The big question is why (which of course is all known to them alone)? I think there was a potential powerful lesson here that was never explored.

[Timothy Rucinski]

This is a tricky question to answer simply because the author provided little information about the first Hansen marriage. Certainly, there were indications that money was the blame, as well as an issue with egos. But my gut tells me that there was much more involved. Unfortunately, neither of the individuals portrayed in the book was forthcoming with any salient information to shed light on the relationship. Until such time that we know more, it's hard to pass judgment.

[Donna Walker]

After a twenty-seven year old marriage, Mark divorced his wife Patty Shaw in 2005. For someone who has been described as a "congenital optimist," I feel he should have tried more to reconcile with his former wife rather than marry again in 2011 to Crystal Dwyer. What do you think? Isn't it important, especially for the sake of their daughters, for Mark to have given Patty more time and a second chance at reconciling their long marriage?

My parents divorced after 34 years of marriage, and it really was the best thing for them to do. My three sisters and I are amazed that they didn't divorce 10 years earlier, to be honest. Relationships are hard, and all of them have different circumstances; however, I personally feel that if a marriage comes to an end after twenty-seven years, it's highly probable that both parties have done everything to make it work and that the best course of action for both people to be happy is to separate.

[Phoebe Felix]

I don't think that the length of their marriage has anything to do with the fact that they didn't want to work things out. Anyone could have been in the author's shoes and done the same thing. As for remarrying, I believe it was about personal preference and the need for companionship.

[Phoebe Felix]

With both Mark and Patty gracefully refusing to discuss in public their differences (which I personally think is the best a divorced couple could do for themselves and for their children), the book only gives the hearsay by a former accountant of the couple who, having been fired by Patty, is an unlikely "impartial judge" on the matter. If the differences Patty and Mark reportedly had in relation to spending and success credits are indeed true, I think it was not a matter of time to rescue the marriage. There is a saying that a talented person lives more than one life. My personal view is that Mark's and Patty's personalities outgrew the boundaries of their relationship. And I do not think that Mark deserves the estrangement by his daughters by Patty - for all I can glean from his attitude to people in general, Mark must be loving his daughters with all his passion - one example is his turning to a healer friend asking her to pray for his daughter when Elizabeth was sick - which indeed helped . I hope that Mark's daughters will come to appreciate their father's love for them.

I like your optimistic take on this. However, in the end, we are humans and we will always do what's best for us.

[Christine Palmer]

I agree that it's hard to judge and say they should have tried harder as an outsider of their relationship. Also, I don't recall there being too much personal information in the book about Hansen's first marriage other than the divorce. Regardless, most marriages do try everything to make it work, particularly if there are children, before deciding divorce is the best option for everyone.

I agree with your comments. However, it's also odd that while Mark has been able to built a strong relationship with his new wife's (Crystal's) children, he has remained estranged to his own children by his first marriage. It would seem to me his daughters didn't think he tried enough to make his first marriage work.

Family dynamics and father-daughter relationships are complex at the best of times. Add divorce, remarriage, step-siblings, financial success, and it gets messy quickly. Having a relationship with the step-children may not be enough information to conclude on the inner thoughts of his children from the first marriage.

[Julie Gebrosky]

I completely agree with what others have said. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors or what was actually tried and not tried. None of us should judge because we don’t know what they were actually facing.

[Hannah Hampton]

I think that each relationship is really complicated, and it is impossible to know the extent of the internal conflict without living it oneself. It is entirely possible for divorced and remarried parents to raise well-adjusted and loved kids, so I think that Mark made what he believed to be the best decision for him and his family.

[Alice Fu]

I think that the idea you mention is an excellent one in a world where are relationships are great and people can live happily ever after. Unfortunately, from an outsider perspective, that is simply not realistic. There are many internal factors that determine how hard someone tries to save a relationship and things often just don't work out.

[Harty Muli]

This is a tricky question to answer simply because the author provided little information about the first Hansen marriage. Certainly, there were indications that money was the blame, as well as an issue with egos. But my gut tells me that there was much more involved. Unfortunately, neither of the individuals portrayed in the book was forthcoming with any salient information to shed light on the relationship. Until such time that we know more, it's hard to pass judgment.

Agreed. In fact, we are only speculating about their marriage because Hansen is now in the public eye. Otherwise, such matters are normally private.

[Harty Muli]

After a twenty-seven year old marriage, Mark divorced his wife Patty Shaw in 2005. For someone who has been described as a "congenital optimist," I feel he should have tried more to reconcile with his former wife rather than marry again in 2011 to Crystal Dwyer. What do you think? Isn't it important, especially for the sake of their daughters, for Mark to have given Patty more time and a second chance at reconciling their long marriage?

My parents divorced after 34 years of marriage, and it really was the best thing for them to do. My three sisters and I are amazed that they didn't divorce 10 years earlier, to be honest. Relationships are hard, and all of them have different circumstances; however, I personally feel that if a marriage comes to an end after twenty-seven years, it's highly probable that both parties have done everything to make it work and that the best course of action for both people to be happy is to separate.

Thanks for sharing your personal experience. It has always surprised me that people divorce after such a long time. As you have put it, it's probable couples put up with the circumstances surrounding a divorce for much longer than an outsider will ever know. This only confirms that relationships are hard.

[Harty Muli]

I don't think that the length of their marriage has anything to do with the fact that they didn't want to work things out. Anyone could have been in the author's shoes and done the same thing. As for remarrying, I believe it was about personal preference and the need for companionship.

Agreed. At least they tried to weather the storm for that long. The remarriage certainly worked for Mark. Thanks.

[Harty Muli]

I agree that it's hard to judge and say they should have tried harder as an outsider of their relationship. Also, I don't recall there being too much personal information in the book about Hansen's first marriage other than the divorce. Regardless, most marriages do try everything to make it work, particularly if there are children, before deciding divorce is the best option for everyone.

I agree with your comments. However, it's also odd that while Mark has been able to built a strong relationship with his new wife's (Crystal's) children, he has remained estranged to his own children by his first marriage. It would seem to me his daughters didn't think he tried enough to make his first marriage work.

Family dynamics and father-daughter relationships are complex at the best of times. Add divorce, remarriage, step-siblings, financial success, and it gets messy quickly. Having a relationship with the step-children may not be enough information to conclude on the inner thoughts of his children from the first marriage.

You are on point. Remarriage only worked for Mark and Crystal plus her children. On the other hand, the complex nature of starting and developing relationships prevented the same success from trickling down to Mark's former wife and daughters. Which is very sad.