What was his secret of his successful marriage life?

Use this forum to discuss the February 2021 Book of the month, "Dream For Peace: An Ambassador Memoir" by Dr.Ghoulem Berrah
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Precious Naiti
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Re: What was his secret of his successful marriage life?

Post by Precious Naiti »

Things would be way easier if there was a manual for marriage and how to make it last. Truth is, every marriage is not the same and what works for one couple might not work for the other. In the long run, marriage is about accepting each other’s differences and most importantly, learning to grow together. Life changes and so do we. It takes commitment to go through all the changes with someone. In this book their marriage had was mutual respect and balancing of work and home responsibilities.
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SunVixen
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Post by SunVixen »

Sushan wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 23:29
Noda21k wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 23:14
zainherb wrote: 10 Feb 2021, 07:03 I think there is no particular secret. I think marriage is hard and full of pitfalls and people do what they can.
In Dr Berrah's case, he seems like a very outwardly loving and compassionate individual to his wife and treats her respectfully and I would think that this would be a huge advantage. It is also great that his mother and he have a great relationship, so this might help in many way.

However, every couple will still have to find what works for them and this is easier for some to do than others.
I think treating her respectfully ultimately comes down to yet another thing: communication. In order to respect someone and have them respect you, good communication has to be there. Otherwise, you can be as loving as you want and the other person might still have some problems.
Indeed I agree. Good communication is well needed and well appreciated in a good relationship. If communication is good between the parties is a relationship, it will be healthy as well as long lasting. Being a diplomat, I believe that Dr. Berrah had a marvellous skill in communication and through his career he definitely might have developed it further as well. So with this basic quality which is needed for a relationship is being abundant, it is not a miracle to have such a long marriage life
This is a very interesting idea. Since the profession of a diplomat requires good communication skills and the ability to find compromises, diplomats can apply their skills in their family life too. It would be very interesting to find some statistics on this. Surely diplomats get divorced less often than other people. :lol:

Jokes aside, I agree with the suggestion that the author's ability to empathize helped him in his family life.
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Post by britcott30 »

I think love, communication, and sacrifices are things that can make marriage work. Of course he has his own way to balance his personal life and work life, but one thing that we can surely see is that her wife sincerely supportive with her husband, even their private time is not much as other couple.
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Post by Deval Sodha »

Sushan wrote: 01 Feb 2021, 00:37 There are lots of examples of those who did a great service to the world in every field. But when we look at their lives, what we see in common is that many of them have not succeeded in their family lives as they got succeed in their professional lives. But here we see a different occasion of succeeding in both. Dr. Ghoulem Berrah was happily married to his wife for forty years, till death parted them. What do you think his secret is? How did he balance his personal life with his professional life?
Dr. Ghoulem indeed is a loving person. He balanced his personal and professional life perfectly and the ingredients he used is true love and understanding.
But I believe all individuals are different and for a marriage to work out, we need two different individuals who not only loves one another unconditionally, but are ready to make adjustments and respect each other's choices.
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Post by Drianie »

I think his childhood and family life influenced him and his outlook on marriage. His relationship with his mother built a good foundation for how he would one day treat his wife. Ultimately I believe you choose to love someone despite the obstacles you might face as a couple. I'm sure his demanding work must have put some strain on their marriage at some point, but both of them choosing to prioritize their marriage and supporting each other must have helped them succeed.
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Post by Suzer6440 xyz »

It definitely comes from within. He demonstrated what it means to have a good heart and they had a mutual respect for each other. In my eyes, I do t think there is a secret to it.
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Post by simo12 »

I think marriage is hard and loaded with entanglements and individuals do what they can.

In Dr Berrah's case, he appears to be an apparently cherishing and empathetic individual to his significant other. he could balance these two so delicately and that could have been the reason for his success in both areas.
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Post by TheMazeRunner »

There is no formula for a perfect life. I think that doctor was himself, and he and his wife respected each other constantly. It is not that hard: simply, it is love.
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Post by Elendu Clement »

I think that he was committed and he knew that marriage also had responsibilities attached to it, love alone can't sustain a marriage. He was also able to balance his personal and professional life
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Post by fiocha1996_25 »

Simply love. Dr. Berrah cared deeply about his wife. In the book, we appreciate his compassion and selflessness. As well as the unconditional support from his wife, not only in personal matters but in the professional area. I believe the two of them worked hard to make sure that both his work and their family life could succeed.
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Post by ROSEY-ANN »

Dr.Berrah and His wife's marriage is a good example of how understanding and accepting differences in faith through mutual respect can make a successful marriage. It is clear throughout the book that the two loved each other immensely. The love they had allowed them to see past their differences in faith to seeing the commonality of their faith which is love. Love God and love fellow man. This is what I think made their marriage successful.
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Post by S P »

I think there are multiple aspects to it. Firstly, both Dr Berrah and his wife had to continue to love each other for the whole of their marriage - if you fall out of love, there's nothing you can do. Secondly, making a marriage work is about effort from both sides, and obviously they both made so much effort for their relationship to last a long time, despite Berrah's duties at work and his complex career. The combination of both of these things is what makes their relationship successful and gives it longevity.
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Post by morsel254 »

how we are brought up dictates how we face the world. Dr. Berrah love for his mother might have been the core reason which made him treat his wife good enough. The maternal love comes in handy and his supportive wife was keen in ensuring peace at home which made the marriage thrive.
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Post by Sidi_254 »

I believe that the respect and love he has for women seen from how he views his mother greatly influenced how he related with his wife. The wife must also have been very supportive and willing to hold down the home front for him to be able to pursue his career and succeed. It was definitely a team effort.
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Post by PreciousExo »

I would say compassion for each other, respect for one another, empathy for each other. I will also say, learn to leave work at work.
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