Are The Parent To Blame?

Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
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Vivian Jabeya
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Re: Are The Parent To Blame?

Post by Vivian Jabeya »

Parents have a great impact on who their children become. This is depicted through Lena's children. Whenever the decided anything, they wanted to ensure that it would please their father. JJ decided to play football because Joey thought it was a game that portrayed masculinity. However, JJ was caring just like Lena. He looked out for his brother and that is why he never disclosed to anyone that his brother was gay.
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Post by Raluca_Mihaila »

Joseph_ngaruiya wrote: 04 Sep 2020, 09:45 Joey is always saying that the boys should be left alone to toughen up. Maureen is too busy working to take care of Kalayla, and Lena has had it with the boys. From their stories, what is your view on parenting? Is it the reason Kalayla and Lena's children grow the way they are? Would you blame parenting to the moral uprightness or bad character of a child?
Did Joey, Jamal, Maureen, and Lena nurture their children properly?
Parenting is such a complex task, so we should not judge parents for their mistakes. I think that we should judge their intentions, instead. If a parent makes a mistake without intention, it is not a mortal sin in my book. Sometimes mother or fathers want the best for their children, but they fail because they are victims of the society or their upbringing.
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Post by car-mbz »

Parenting is hard. I believe when you are a child, your parent plays a big role in determining your morals, but when you become an adult, you make your own life choices.
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Post by Muzafar Iqbal »

Parents do influence how a child turns out but they are not the only influence. Friends, role models and experiences also play a large role. Children often learn bad habits because they see someone else doing it.
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Post by Archaeoptery »

Being parents is hard. Lena had an abuse husbands, whom I think she did not fully see this. I would not blame the parents.
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Post by iammiape »

Joseph_ngaruiya wrote: 04 Sep 2020, 09:45 Joey is always saying that the boys should be left alone to toughen up. Maureen is too busy working to take care of Kalayla, and Lena has had it with the boys. From their stories, what is your view on parenting? Is it the reason Kalayla and Lena's children grow the way they are? Would you blame parenting to the moral uprightness or bad character of a child?
Did Joey, Jamal, Maureen, and Lena nurture their children properly?
There are many factors outside home that contribute to a child's growth, however, when a child acquired an unfitting attitude it can be corrected at home. In the case of Joey and Lena's children, they extracted their bad behavior directly from their home—from Joey. Lena was aware that her children echoes Joey's harmful lifestyle, yet she remained dominated by Joey and too feeble to undo her children's morality. Regarding Maureen's parenting, I think that she was always overwhelmed with her work and sorrow to give Kalayla a reasonable amount of attention daily. Their mother and daughter relationship would've been lovelier if she had used her creativeness about replacing their bland "Sunday talks." :(
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Post by Gabby S14 »

unamilagra wrote: 09 Sep 2020, 12:34 I think this question implies that the kids didn't turn out ok, which I feel is untrue in this case. I think even though Lena was not close to her two surviving boys, they were both good people. Kalayla has some issues which are common to tweens, but I think she's going to turn out ok as well.

Every parent makes mistakes and has regrets about them. But I honestly think this book is a testament to the fact that kids are resilient, and maybe we as parents don't need to sweat every little mistake they make.
I agree with you. There is usually an internal need to protect and justify actions as a parent, but sometimes that is not always necessary or helpful to the development of a child. People make mistakes, that goes for both children and parents, so we shouldn't put so much emphasis on blame for either member of the family when it was a reasonable mistake. Learning experiences are good but not always easy.
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Post by Gabby S14 »

This is a tough question, but I think the only parent in the book who I truly despised was Joey. Clearly, he was a man who craved power and respect. He apparently was able to present himself as a good boss and leader, but he was a crappy dad and an even more horrible husband. His antics of trying to "toughen up" his boys led them into angry, destructive bouts to prove themselves to a man who really didn't deserve their praise. It was a tense but satisfying moment in the book when the twins stopped their father from abusing their mother in front of them. It goes to show that even the boys knew what standards were good to hold for themselves and which ones were worth condemning and putting a stop to, even when it was displayed by their father.

So, I think what I'm trying to get at is the boys in Lena's family had a lot of problems growing up that were caused by their parents and the way they were raised (even Lena's distance caused some trauma), but at the end of the day, the boys showed that they knew right from wrong and they defended each other even when it was hard.
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Post by Mys_Trea »

I don't think the parents are to blame. I don't think there is a reason for there to be any blame at all, honestly. These kids aren't bad or evil. Kalayla has a strong work ethic, for example - something she obviously learnt from her mom. Maureen has nothing but love for her daughter, and in order to provide for her the way she wants, she is forced to work hard. The parents have flaws, but then, which parent doesn't? But they showed their children love and tried their utmost. Ultimately, that made them good parents, according to me.
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Post by Michelle Menezes »

As a single mother trying to make ends meet, I can't really blame Maureen, except I think she could be a little strict with Kalayla. It felt like she was the child and Kalayla was the adult with the kind of behaviour she showed with her daughter.
In Lena's case she definitely could have done more instead of assuming that her boys are like Joey and hence, nothing can be done to help them. Maybe if she had secretly tried to talk to her kids, they wouldn't have been estranged as adults.
But the worse parenting in the book comes from Jamal's parents. I understand that Clarence had a traumatic experience as a child, but letting him behave as he pleases to the point he tried to rape Maureen is disturbing. If they had intervened at the right time, it wouldn't have come to that.
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Post by JHING Estanislao »

Generally speaking, parent do what they think is best for their child. but we also have to consider the effect of the society towards the attitude of the kids. As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. Children absorbs the things in their environment and believe those things as right and if we never correct those misconception, the misconception just grows.
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Post by Mason Garrod »

Parenting is extremely difficult and Lena certainly did her best within the circumstances that she was in. Joey was an absolutely terrible father and I think the fact that all 4 of her children seemed to turn out relatively decent men is due to her efforts even in the face of abuse
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Post by Nivedita BookBee »

I won't exactly say that all the blame is on parents since everyone is their own person in the end. You really can't put all the blame on the parents. Of course they have a huge influence and it's their responsibility to impact their kids the right way. They both try their best, as much as they can but yes Maureen can try harder to get involved in life of Layla.
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Post by smriti-1296 »

I would blame Lena for her careless attitude towards Kalayla. Though she seemed worried for Kalayla, she didn't seem to put much effort into that relationship. Lena, on the other hand, tried when it was her children growing up. But the dominance and abusive nature of Joey made her give up. She did try once running away from Joey but it turned worse for her. Parenting does have an impact, if not much but some, on a child's character and how they turn out to be.
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Post by Adego 002 »

Some behaviours may be influenced by the parents but some are not. Two children brought up by the same parents may end up having different personalities and this proves that the parenting they receive is not the problem.
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