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Use this forum to discuss the September 2020 Book of the month, " "Kalayla" by Jeannie Nicholas.
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AntonelaMaria
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Post by AntonelaMaria »

There is one quote from Lena that kind of stuck with me.

"There's no way you can stop people from making mistakes no matter how much you want to. I couldn't stop myself. I don't know why I thought I could stop anybody else. I guess because I did learn one big thing. I learned that if you get help, you can help yourself."

It seems really inspiring but also true. How many times we know were are making a mistake and we do it anyway or know someone in our family is doing it but we can stop it? How many times we are trying to tought it out and not reach out for help thinking is the sign of weakness? In the end, when she allowed her friend and her mother to be there for her and help her she stopped hiding behind the bottle. She survived so much and then she is able to see that Maureen is making a mistakes and having a hard time. So she is there for her and Kalayla. She really is an amazing friend. Without the judgement and preachiness.

What are your thoughts?
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”
The Minpins by Roald Dahl
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Post by Kola+wole »

Everyone likes to put up a strong front so as not to be called weak and exploited. Also, the fear that the help sought might not be forthcoming and can lead to ridicule is another factor. In the end, asking for help when necessary makes life easier.
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Post by Maconstewart »

I think asking for help is one of the hardest things for us humans. From the time we learn to walk we are striving for independence. I think the thought pattern is that when we ask for help we are surrendering some of that independence. There is also the fear that the help is not freely given.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Lena is still struggling with the guilt of losing his sons. In regards to the quote, I agree that helping others is a way of helping us heal. It makes her feel better when she's helping Kalayla.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Kola+wole wrote: 02 Sep 2020, 09:26 Everyone likes to put up a strong front so as not to be called weak and exploited. Also, the fear that the help sought might not be forthcoming and can lead to ridicule is another factor. In the end, asking for help when necessary makes life easier.
But do you think Lena fears being seen as weak? She's old and frail but strong at heart.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Maconstewart wrote: 02 Sep 2020, 13:45 I think asking for help is one of the hardest things for us humans. From the time we learn to walk we are striving for independence. I think the thought pattern is that when we ask for help we are surrendering some of that independence. There is also the fear that the help is not freely given.
Accepting that there's a mistake that needs to be corrected and admitting that we need help are two issues that fight an individual's mind. I like the fact that Maureen is willing to listen to Lena when she knocks at her door to have a motherly talk.
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Post by Wesley Friday »

I think getting help from others starts from the point of making one's self vulnerable in the presence of the potential helper. Though we are social beings, if making friends as adults is much harder than in our childhood, how much do you think opening up about one's deepest flaws to someone you barely know as an adult will be. These women in the novel essentially lacked the emotional support a close relation could offer. Thus stepping out of their comfort zones to interact with persons who weren't professionals was probably much harder. But just like Lena said, in the end, they got help to help themselves by looking around themselves.
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Post by Lilyflower-x2 »

AntonelaMaria wrote: 01 Sep 2020, 11:27 There is one quote from Lena that kind of stuck with me.

"There's no way you can stop people from making mistakes no matter how much you want to. I couldn't stop myself. I don't know why I thought I could stop anybody else. I guess because I did learn one big thing. I learned that if you get help, you can help yourself."

It seems really inspiring but also true. How many times we know were are making a mistake and we do it anyway or know someone in our family is doing it but we can stop it? How many times we are trying to tought it out and not reach out for help thinking is the sign of weakness? In the end, when she allowed her friend and her mother to be there for her and help her she stopped hiding behind the bottle. She survived so much and then she is able to see that Maureen is making a mistakes and having a hard time. So she is there for her and Kalayla. She really is an amazing friend. Without the judgement and preachiness.

What are your thoughts?
It is only when a person accepts help can they be helped. It is not weakness to ask for help. It is a sign of strength to face your fears, bare your weakness and be vulnerable enough to get help.
“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies . . . The man who never reads lives only one.” – George R.R. Martin
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Wesley Friday wrote: 06 Sep 2020, 20:56 I think getting help from others starts from the point of making one's self vulnerable in the presence of the potential helper. Though we are social beings, if making friends as adults is much harder than in our childhood, how much do you think opening up about one's deepest flaws to someone you barely know as an adult will be. These women in the novel essentially lacked the emotional support a close relation could offer. Thus stepping out of their comfort zones to interact with persons who weren't professionals was probably much harder. But just like Lena said, in the end, they got help to help themselves by looking around themselves.
I choose to disagree with you for saying, getting help from others starts from the point of making one's self vulnerable in the presence of the potential helper. In this case, neither Maureen nor Kalayla knew Lena would help them out. Lena knew Maureen worked at Eddie's for a year, yet she only stepped in to help after noticing Kalayla was living with her.
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Post by Guda Lydia »

Getting help is never as easy as it seems, especially for deeper or more profound issues. The first thing that comes to mind and always lead to hesistaion is the judgment that may come after revealing your mistake. It is always a difficult situation, as we always want help from the people we trust the most, but also their opinions of us and their view of us matters the most. So anything that threatens to change that, including revealing the mistake, is frowned upon. So in the end you end up struggling in silence.

Sharing is the easiest, hardest, and trickiest thing to do. Also the most beneficial.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Guda LM wrote: 11 Sep 2020, 14:33 Getting help is never as easy as it seems, especially for deeper or more profound issues. The first thing that comes to mind and always lead to hesistaion is the judgment that may come after revealing your mistake. It is always a difficult situation, as we always want help from the people we trust the most, but also their opinions of us and their view of us matters the most. So anything that threatens to change that, including revealing the mistake, is frowned upon. So in the end you end up struggling in silence.

Sharing is the easiest, hardest, and trickiest thing to do. Also the most beneficial.
Sharing is a working remedy, but it requires patience and trust. I wonder if this must have been the reason Maureen fabricated the story about their entire family perishing in a gas leak accident.
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
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Post by Nhitra »

Asking for help is hard. Worried that you'll be ridiculed or frowned upon if you ever voice your concern. Maybe the fault doesn't lie in the people not asking for help but in their loved one who doesn't give them a safe environment for them to ask for help without fear.
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Post by Allen Cheque »

This is so true. Often, I make mistakes that I thought I shouldn't have. It's as though we humans are wired to make mistakes. The important thing, however, is to learn from our mistakes. That's the only way we can get better.
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Post by Joseph_ngaruiya »

Nhitra wrote: 14 Sep 2020, 13:37 Asking for help is hard. Worried that you'll be ridiculed or frowned upon if you ever voice your concern. Maybe the fault doesn't lie in the people not asking for help but in their loved one who doesn't give them a safe environment for them to ask for help without fear.
At times you might find your problems to be personal. It's also challenging to find a confidant. So hard that Lena shares her problems with Lotta and nobody else. What's more frustrating is trying to help someone who thinks they don't need your help. Lena tries her best to get Kalayla a place or engaging activity that would make her spend her time productively. But Kalayla rebels every move.
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Post by Lhammamy »

Nhitra wrote: 14 Sep 2020, 13:37 Asking for help is hard. Worried that you'll be ridiculed or frowned upon if you ever voice your concern. Maybe the fault doesn't lie in the people not asking for help but in their loved one who doesn't give them a safe environment for them to ask for help without fear.
That is so true!! I think it lies on our loved ones to show us their care and trustworthiness. Without that, how are we gonna know that nobody will judge our mistakes?
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