Did this book change your perspective on 'the cheater' in any way?

[oluchiokere84]

No, it didn't. I was glad when he got life back together again. I know that cheating is wrong and it is very difficult to forget; but I think that his wife Rachel, would miss out on very many beautiful moments in life by her decision not to forgive him.

[djr6090]

The thought crossed my mind that Rachael may have had an affair herself that the reader never knew about. I mean, the main character was so wrapped up in himself, he wouldn't have noticed.

That's an interesting statement. I didn't think about that because Rachel seemed to me very busy with her children, but maybe there was a point when they went to kindergarden / school and she found the time to have an affair too.

Given that the story took place over 15 years, she may may have felt a little lonely, don't you think? And there are more casualties in the cheater scenario than just the husband and wife. Their kids no doubt felt the backlash - something else that the narrator didn't seem to include in his bubble.

[prowlingivy]

I felt sorry for him. At some point in the novel, I was so upset about his condition I would have suggested it myself. It's unfortunate that he blames himself and chooses to wallow in misery after the divorce. He should have admitted to the mistake sooner and acknowledge his frustrations rather than beating himself up over what society expected of him. I somewhat saw the reason behind extramarital affairs in a much different light. Here it is more out of desperation than selfishness and greed.

[NetMassimo]

Given that the story took place over 15 years, she may may have felt a little lonely, don't you think? And there are more casualties in the cheater scenario than just the husband and wife. Their kids no doubt felt the backlash - something else that the narrator didn't seem to include in his bubble.

One of the narrator's problems was that he didn't seem to understand his children's possible reactions to their parents' unhappiness.

[Bukola02]

I honestly still have a hard time really feeling sorry for him or thinking he was justified. Yes, his wife was not supportive, but she was run ragged taking care of three kids while he went gallivanting off on vacations. I never really noticed him going out of his way to make her feel loved either. Plus, in modern society, it's really not that hard to get a divorce if you aren't happy. Yes, he was weak, and I don't think his actions made him less likable as a character, but I still think you should end one relationship before you start the next.

I also noticed that he didn't do anything special for his wife. I figured he was too exhausted after work and too dead inside to try, but I do wonder if Rachel would have been nicer to him if he had taken the time to romance her. I agree that he should have ended his relationship when he realized he liked Lara. Even if it was just a phase, that should have been a wake up call that his current relationship was dead.

Exactly my point. He didn't put so much effort in making his wife feel loved. He could hqve divorced her rather than cheating on her.

[djr6090]

What he was feeling on the inside didn't show on the outside. He kept loving his wife even during and after cheating. He must have thought that providing a comfortable life should have shown his family how he felt. I think a lot of men are like that.

[lwahls2]

It didn't change my perspective at all. Cheating is wrong and terrible and if it happens, that relationship is over and was never meant to be.

[Falconcrest]

I have reading a lot the comments posted above, and i must say they seem to be more from a female perspective no offence intended. I clearly remember the protagonist failing to get sexual gratification from his wife. If that is not a sure way to push a man into another woman arms, then i don't know what is? As much as he went on his missions he still provided financially for his family. Not that am saying that was enough, I can agree that he should have at least tired to spend more time with his family. Maybe the outcome would have been different. But when you really think about it, the reasons for his missions. I personally feel he was trying to find himself again. The trick always lies in finding a balance and trust me, it isn't easy by far.

[ciecheesemeister]

The protagonist's and Rachel's relationship was broken beyond repair because of their lack of communication. I do not condone cheating. However, an incident like this is not the same as a serial cheater who believes that it is their right to mess around with whoever strikes his fancy and his wife should just put up with it. The protagonist did feel remorse, which doesn't mean it's okay that he cheated.

[Erin Painter Baker]

This did not really change my view of cheating because it pretty much followed what I consider the textbook example of why and when cheating happens. There are a lot of reasons people stay in unhappy marriages. Sometimes it is for appearance's sake, for fear of being seen as a failure, because it would disappoint family or friends, or because people think that it is better for the kids. Somtimes they even think this is just a rough patch and it will get better when....
So I was not surprised the protagonist cheater. I was not surprised he felt guilty. And I was not surprised he went back. Because no matter how guilty he felt, the woman he was cheating with was still giving him something he was not getting out of his marriage.
Do I agree with cheating? No. But I also think it is really hard to draw real conclusions about what was going on in his marriage with only his perspective. Withour hearing Rachel's side of the story, there's not a whole lot we can really decide. She might have been secretly happy he cheated because that gave her an "out" to an unhappy marriage where no one would "blame" her for the failed marriage, etc.
And I agree that it might have been better had the protagonist talked to any of his friends about it, but given the "rules" of the man missions, it was not exactly a surprise that this was a group that did not really talk about their feelings to each other. I mean, "he who whines the most wears the pink bracelet".

[Karina Nowak]

What he was feeling on the inside didn't show on the outside. He kept loving his wife even during and after cheating. He must have thought that providing a comfortable life should have shown his family how he felt. I think a lot of men are like that.

I think a lot of men are raised to 'think' like that. The same way a lot of women are raised to think that keeping a house spotless and always having home-cooked meals and clean laundry show their family how they care.

And truth be told it DOES! In both cases. It's just that because the roles are so familiar, after living with someone for a while what people start doing in the beginning because they care, not because they have to, gets overlooked by their partner.

Partners should appreciate each other and show each other their appreciation more often rather than just slipping into a slump of this is 'my job' and this is 'yours'.

[Karina Nowak]

She might have been secretly happy he cheated because that gave her an "out" to an unhappy marriage where no one would "blame" her for the failed marriage, etc.
And I agree that it might have been better had the protagonist talked to any of his friends about it, but given the "rules" of the man missions, it was not exactly a surprise that this was a group that did not really talk about their feelings to each other. I mean, "he who whines the most wears the pink bracelet".

You know I did think that Rachel might be cheating or might have thought about it but WOW I never considered that she may have been relieved in the end over the relationship ending. Upset over the cheating, yes, but maybe slightly relieved that he did it before she did because they were both in a mess by that point. I mean, she did call it first in the kitchen! She just changed her mind because of how upset he got!

And that stupid pink bracelet! Probably the only thing I hated in this book! But still a very good representation of the ways men 'front' about being 'manly' and challenge their peers to be that way as well through some sort of shared humiliation, in this case wearing one of your kid's pink bracelets. Sharing your feelings is so much better.

[Sugarlump54]

I felt sorry for the guy and the affair became an addiction to him. It felt so good but he knew it was so wrong. They both were at fault for not communicating with each other. I did like the way the author wrote about the protagonist’s feelings after the divorce and how he realized how many people that one mistake affected.

[sevencrows]

I honestly still have a hard time really feeling sorry for him or thinking he was justified. Yes, his wife was not supportive, but she was run ragged taking care of three kids while he went gallivanting off on vacations. I never really noticed him going out of his way to make her feel loved either. Plus, in modern society, it's really not that hard to get a divorce if you aren't happy. Yes, he was weak, and I don't think his actions made him less likable as a character, but I still think you should end one relationship before you start the next.

This !!! Both of them were incredibly unsympathetic to each other's situation, what with both of their responsibilities and the narrator's inner conflict, though his decision--perhaps not completely an active decision, but a decision nevertheless--to deal with the situation was cheating instead of communicating.

[Bhaskins]

Yes. It's not okay to justify cheating but when people are unhappy in marriage it eventually happens. When there's somebody else gives you happiness and peace you lack in your marriage or relationship, you automatically lean towards them. And this is the case here.

I agree with this so much. It's so sad. So often it's a "grass is greener" thing. People also need to learn how to ask for their needs and leave terrible relationships.