The author's approach to life?

Use this forum to discuss the July 2019 Book of the month, "Defining Moments of a Free Man from a Black Stream" by Dr Frank L Douglas.
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Nuel Ukah
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Re: The author's approach to life?

Post by Nuel Ukah »

Kelyn wrote: 19 Jul 2019, 22:16 I read somewhere once that a person reacts in one of two ways to their childhood. You either embrace it and learn from it or you reject it and live your life in a way that will ensure you (and your future family) never return to that state of living again. In my opinion, the author seems to have managed to do both. He definitely learned from his childhood experiences in that it helped him develop both determination and an intense desire to succeed; but he also 'rose through the ranks', so to speak, in a way that ensured that his family (wife and children) never experienced anything even remotely like the deprivation he experienced in childhood. In my own experience, it's almost impossible to totally reject one's upbringing, even if it held unfortunate or even adverse experiences. Based on what you read of the author's life, which do you think he did? Or was it a combination of both?
Yes, he did the both. It's a good thing that he survived the hard times, and built his home to be void of those challenges he encountered. His determination was key to his survival. Writing this book for others to read and be encouraged is quite a legacy.
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Vickie Noel
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mariana90 wrote: 24 Jul 2019, 21:46 I agree that it's both. One has to know hunger to fully appreciate food. And the author knew what he wanted in life knowing what it was like not having it.
I totally agree! Like how I got super security conscious after having my room burgled while I was asleep. Sometimes, certain things need to happen to send one in the exact opposite direction of their former course of life.
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I believe it was a combo of both. He recognized his past and learned from mistakes his parents may have made to ensure he wouldn’t do the same for his children.
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Lisa A Rayburn
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

Nuel Ukah wrote: 01 Sep 2019, 08:28 Yes, he did the both. It's a good thing that he survived the hard times, and built his home to be void of those challenges he encountered. His determination was key to his survival. Writing this book for others to read and be encouraged is quite a legacy.
Nuel, I have to wonder if he knew how much of an inspiration to others it would become. As a legacy, I would say it is an excellent one. I like the way you phrased it. "...and built his home to be void of those challenges..." Perhaps the book helped to fill the void in his life his childhood experiences may have left. Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts!
Vickie Noel wrote: 01 Sep 2019, 13:01
mariana90 wrote: 24 Jul 2019, 21:46 I agree that it's both. One has to know hunger to fully appreciate food. And the author knew what he wanted in life knowing what it was like not having it.
I totally agree! Like how I got super security conscious after having my room burgled while I was asleep. Sometimes, certain things need to happen to send one in the exact opposite direction of their former course of life.
:o I would have been scared to death after having that happen. Security-conscious would be putting it mildly; I would have been getting a big dog, multiple door locks and window alarms!! I would definitely have woken me up to things I might not have been doing that I should have!! Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts with us!
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Post by Nuel Ukah »

Kelyn wrote: 02 Sep 2019, 17:43
Nuel Ukah wrote: 01 Sep 2019, 08:28 Yes, he did the both. It's a good thing that he survived the hard times, and built his home to be void of those challenges he encountered. His determination was key to his survival. Writing this book for others to read and be encouraged is quite a legacy.
Nuel, I have to wonder if he knew how much of an inspiration to others it would become. As a legacy, I would say it is an excellent one. I like the way you phrased it. "...and built his home to be void of those challenges..." Perhaps the book helped to fill the void in his life his childhood experiences may have left. Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts!

I don't think he knew this book would become a legacy. Maybe he had that in mind. I agree that the book filled a void in his life. Writing this book may have caused him to feel the pains afresh. Such a strong man! You're welcome.
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Post by Herbstlicht »

Childhood is a defining moment for all of us. It's up to us whether it makes us or breaks us. I also believe he had a mixed approach, but only because he took the time to thoroughly analyze his past and make a final decision on where he wants to steer his life to.
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Post by LyorBoone »

I think some reject their childhood and ignore it only to find their future family living under the same circumstances that defined their childhood. It strikes me as a common consequence of one who simply ignores where they came from, expecting it to disappear for good without actively combating the symptoms or causes of such situations. If you actively try to learn from your past experiences, you might avoid recreating some circumstances of your childhood that didn't do any good, but I'm sure there are other experiences you would want to repeat. After all, every experience works to mold you in some way and you want to share those experiences, that mold people in a good way, with others. I don't think Dr. Douglas openly rejected his past. He actively reflects on it and he shares his experiences with all from his point of view in this book. Naturally, he wouldn't want to repeat the harsh family environment with his family, but I think he'd be open to sharing such stories with his children along with the life lessons he associates with such memories.
“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme” - Mark Twain. Dare we say the same thing about every story that gets told in the world?
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Post by Juliet+1 »

I think the author did both, but only if you interpret "embrace" to mean "accept." He certainly never wanted the life he had as a child, but as a successful adult he understood how it had happened. There's no bitterness that warps his thinking.
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

Nendu87 wrote: 03 Sep 2019, 10:13 Childhood is a defining moment for all of us. It's up to us whether it makes us or breaks us. I also believe he had a mixed approach, but only because he took the time to thoroughly analyze his past and make a final decision on where he wants to steer his life to.
Juliet+1 wrote: 03 Sep 2019, 20:08 I think the author did both, but only if you interpret "embrace" to mean "accept." He certainly never wanted the life he had as a child, but as a successful adult he understood how it had happened. There's no bitterness that warps his thinking.
I agree that childhood, for good or ill, has a profound effect on who we become. I think the author would have had to both analyze and, ultimately, accept how his childhood had affected him to come to peace with it. Without his genuinely having put deep consideration into it, the cycle of poverty and abuse may have continued. Thank you both for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us!
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

LyorBoone wrote: 03 Sep 2019, 14:18 I think some reject their childhood and ignore it only to find their future family living under the same circumstances that defined their childhood. It strikes me as a common consequence of one who simply ignores where they came from, expecting it to disappear for good without actively combating the symptoms or causes of such situations. If you actively try to learn from your past experiences, you might avoid recreating some circumstances of your childhood that didn't do any good, but I'm sure there are other experiences you would want to repeat. After all, every experience works to mold you in some way and you want to share those experiences, that mold people in a good way, with others. I don't think Dr. Douglas openly rejected his past. He actively reflects on it and he shares his experiences with all from his point of view in this book. Naturally, he wouldn't want to repeat the harsh family environment with his family, but I think he'd be open to sharing such stories with his children along with the life lessons he associates with such memories.
I think that is, unfortunately, correct. Ignoring your past will not help you overcome it. The author shows the determination and strength of will to not only examine it and learn from it but also to allow it to shape his future in only positive ways. He may well pick and choose from among these experiences to share with his children to teach them life lessons. Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us!
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Post by Felicity Granger »

I don't think he rejected it. It was more like he used it, made it his own tool, in a manner of speaking. I think his experiences are what drove him to accomplish all that he did. It also taught him what not to do as a father and a husband. I'm also respectful of the fact that, having experienced all that he did, he wasn't a byproduct of his circumstances, at least in any negative way.
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

Felicity Granger wrote: 07 Sep 2019, 20:11 I don't think he rejected it. It was more like he used it, made it his own tool, in a manner of speaking. I think his experiences are what drove him to accomplish all that he did. It also taught him what not to do as a father and a husband. I'm also respectful of the fact that, having experienced all that he did, he wasn't a byproduct of his circumstances, at least in any negative way.
I also appreciated that his childhood allowed him to break the cycle, as it were. He didn't let his early circumstances to dictate what he became or did with his life. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us!
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Nisha Ward wrote: 20 Jul 2019, 08:17 I agree that it's a combination of both. After all, had he nod embraced his childhood, he wouldn't have learnt from it, but at the same time he recognised that he need to do better for himself and his family.
I couldn't agree more with you on this. It really is a combination of both.
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Post by Neha++ »

Everyone around us and everything happening in our daily lives shapes our thoughts and our thoughts shapes our life.
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Post by Lisa A Rayburn »

Neha++ wrote: 27 Sep 2019, 07:26 Everyone around us and everything happening in our daily lives shapes our thoughts and our thoughts shapes our life.
I agree, especially about our childhoods when we are developing most quickly and are more impressionable than we are as we become older. Our experiences still affect us, but we are more aware of it and better able to deal with how they affect us. Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts with us!
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