Childhood experiences

Use this forum to discuss the July 2019 Book of the month, "Defining Moments of a Free Man from a Black Stream" by Dr Frank L Douglas.
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briellejee
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Re: Childhood experiences

Post by briellejee »

B Creech wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 15:09
briellejee wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 09:22
B Creech wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 05:09
That is true, just as belittling them and name-calling can destroy their self-esteem and make them unsure of everything they do.
I think most parents thought that calling their child stupid won't have an everlasting effect. Instead, it stays with them and traumatizes them to the point of them not believing in themselves.
That is so true. Some children are determined to prove them wrong while others give up because they think they will fail because of childhood name-calling. Or if they don't give up they at least settle for things they don't really want to do.
Well, that's my story as well. Name-calling resorts children (like myself) to please their parents, desperate for their approval. In doing so, they reject what they want and pursue their parent's desires. It's unhealthy.
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost"
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Post by briellejee »

B Creech wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 15:04
briellejee wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 09:24
B Creech wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 05:12

If only all parents would raise their children that way instead of destroying their self-esteem by name-calling! Thanks for the comment and for stopping by!
Based on experience, my parents would always scold me and hit me when I do something wrong. My father called me useless once, and that stuck with me.
Absolutely those names stay with a person forever! Sadly, some believe it about themselves and are afraid to try because they are afraid to fail!
It's something that most parents should be aware of. Or maybe they also experienced this so it could be a ripple of their past.
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Post by Brenda Creech »

briellejee wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 23:33
B Creech wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 15:09
briellejee wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 09:22

I think most parents thought that calling their child stupid won't have an everlasting effect. Instead, it stays with them and traumatizes them to the point of them not believing in themselves.
That is so true. Some children are determined to prove them wrong while others give up because they think they will fail because of childhood name-calling. Or if they don't give up they at least settle for things they don't really want to do.
Well, that's my story as well. Name-calling resorts children (like myself) to please their parents, desperate for their approval. In doing so, they reject what they want and pursue their parent's desires. It's unhealthy.
You are so right! That is my son's story too. He and his dad never had a good relationship. His dad always tried to bully him into being what he wanted my son to be and scoring what my son wanted to be. It is very unhealthy.
B. Creech
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Post by Alison Alissa »

What we go through matters less however reflecting on such instances is relevant in accordance to what we desire for in life.
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Post by briellejee »

B Creech wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 03:35
briellejee wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 23:33
B Creech wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 15:09
That is so true. Some children are determined to prove them wrong while others give up because they think they will fail because of childhood name-calling. Or if they don't give up they at least settle for things they don't really want to do.
Well, that's my story as well. Name-calling resorts children (like myself) to please their parents, desperate for their approval. In doing so, they reject what they want and pursue their parent's desires. It's unhealthy.
You are so right! That is my son's story too. He and his dad never had a good relationship. His dad always tried to bully him into being what he wanted my son to be and scoring what my son wanted to be. It is very unhealthy.
What's up with the dads huh? Mine is trying to get me to become a doctor but I have dreams to become an author. I even did my undergrad as a prerequisite to medicine. Sigh. I hope your son is doing well now and is doing what he loves. :tiphat:
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Post by OliviaLouise »

Every experience we have shapes us as people, but they don’t ultimately lead to our success. What we can do is look at those experiences and be motivated to try and be bigger and better than whatever obstacle those experiences provide. Conversely, some might be utterly demotivated by those same experiences. I think Frank took the former route and didn’t let the pain he felt slow him down. He fought to get to where he is. That’s what this book is all about!
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Post by Ferdinand_Otieno »

OliviaLouise wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 07:27 Every experience we have shapes us as people, but they don’t ultimately lead to our success. What we can do is look at those experiences and be motivated to try and be bigger and better than whatever obstacle those experiences provide. Conversely, some might be utterly demotivated by those same experiences. I think Frank took the former route and didn’t let the pain he felt slow him down. He fought to get to where he is. That’s what this book is all about!
The experiences the author faced as a child, both good and bad ultimately built who he be ame as an adult, and definitely for the better.
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Post by Brenda Creech »

briellejee wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 05:09
B Creech wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 03:35
briellejee wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 23:33

Well, that's my story as well. Name-calling resorts children (like myself) to please their parents, desperate for their approval. In doing so, they reject what they want and pursue their parent's desires. It's unhealthy.
You are so right! That is my son's story too. He and his dad never had a good relationship. His dad always tried to bully him into being what he wanted my son to be and scoring what my son wanted to be. It is very unhealthy.
What's up with the dads huh? Mine is trying to get me to become a doctor but I have dreams to become an author. I even did my undergrad as a prerequisite to medicine. Sigh. I hope your son is doing well now and is doing what he loves. :tiphat:
He is doing what he loves but has no relationship with his dad. I hope you follow your dreams. The only way we love what we have chosen to do in life is if we choose to do what we love!
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Post by Brenda Creech »

OliviaLouise wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 07:27 Every experience we have shapes us as people, but they don’t ultimately lead to our success. What we can do is look at those experiences and be motivated to try and be bigger and better than whatever obstacle those experiences provide. Conversely, some might be utterly demotivated by those same experiences. I think Frank took the former route and didn’t let the pain he felt slow him down. He fought to get to where he is. That’s what this book is all about!
Absolutely! Not everyone has the strength to fight against the obstacles and come out on the winning side!
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"Like beauty in the eyes, the divinity of the rose may be in the nose that smells it, and the lover that beholds it." Eckhart Aurelius Hughes
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Post by briellejee »

B Creech wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 17:08
briellejee wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 05:09
B Creech wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 03:35

You are so right! That is my son's story too. He and his dad never had a good relationship. His dad always tried to bully him into being what he wanted my son to be and scoring what my son wanted to be. It is very unhealthy.
What's up with the dads huh? Mine is trying to get me to become a doctor but I have dreams to become an author. I even did my undergrad as a prerequisite to medicine. Sigh. I hope your son is doing well now and is doing what he loves. :tiphat:
He is doing what he loves but has no relationship with his dad. I hope you follow your dreams. The only way we love what we have chosen to do in life is if we choose to do what we love!
Same here. It makes my mom a bit sad, but we can't allow people ruin us and our dreams. :) I intend to do so, but sometimes life is hard. But still, this encouragement helped me a lot. :tiphat: Thanks so much! I agree!
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Post by Marvelous moon »

Yeah i think its helped him to became strong and independent but in the journey of the author it's his fate that helped him, his imagination, his hard work. The thought of living in reality sting his and he decided to live in the world of imagination where everything is the way he always wanted...
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Post by Brenda Creech »

briellejee wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 23:40
B Creech wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 17:08
briellejee wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 05:09

What's up with the dads huh? Mine is trying to get me to become a doctor but I have dreams to become an author. I even did my undergrad as a prerequisite to medicine. Sigh. I hope your son is doing well now and is doing what he loves. :tiphat:
He is doing what he loves but has no relationship with his dad. I hope you follow your dreams. The only way we love what we have chosen to do in life is if we choose to do what we love!
Same here. It makes my mom a bit sad, but we can't allow people ruin us and our dreams. :) I intend to do so, but sometimes life is hard. But still, this encouragement helped me a lot. :tiphat: Thanks so much! I agree!
You are welcome. I have enjoyed our conversation!
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Post by briellejee »

B Creech wrote: 03 Aug 2019, 07:53
briellejee wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 23:40
B Creech wrote: 02 Aug 2019, 17:08
He is doing what he loves but has no relationship with his dad. I hope you follow your dreams. The only way we love what we have chosen to do in life is if we choose to do what we love!
Same here. It makes my mom a bit sad, but we can't allow people ruin us and our dreams. :) I intend to do so, but sometimes life is hard. But still, this encouragement helped me a lot. :tiphat: Thanks so much! I agree!
You are welcome. I have enjoyed our conversation!
Same here! :tiphat:
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost"
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Post by evraealtana »

I would say, we all have pain in our pasts - if it's not one thing, it's another. What counts is how you choose to use that pain, whatever its source. Any person has the option to whine and complain, to feel sorry for him/herself, to cry about life not being fair... Or to rise from the ashes and become greater as a result.

The author certainly was one of the latter types. However, that rising was not a result of what specifically he suffered; rather, it was due to a mindset that he bore. If he hadn't had the particular challenges he faced, he would have used different challenges to rise in a similar fashion. Whatever was available in his past would have become his fuel.
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Post by Nisha Ward »

briellejee wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 23:30
Nisha Ward wrote: 01 Aug 2019, 15:51
briellejee wrote: 30 Jul 2019, 01:24

I agree with everything you said, but what stood out the most was your last line. Indeed people forget to see the privileges you just mentioned. Without them, he might have taken the other road of self-destruction (as it is seen when he was about to commit suicide). Glad to see that someone got my point that there are factors why people stay on the self-pity road rather than striving hard. Aside from the difference in psychological beings, their environment and the people they surround themselves with are factors in choices in life. :tiphat:
I agree on this as well and it's actually a curious phenomenon that can be found in West Indian society within the author's generation as well. If I'm dating this correctly based on the context of the book, Dr. Douglas' early years were roughly from the fifties to seventies when there was a huge push for education among families in the colonies. Kids with potential would receive community support if they were in an area that could afford it because they represented not just the idea of a better life but the concept of potential in groups that had until then been treated as less than human. It's a trend in West Indian literature, though the only books that come to mind right now are V.S. Naipaul's novels and my country's first Prime Minister's autobiography.

Of course, I'm coming at this from a West Indian perspective, but I'm sure anyone from a similar kind of community where kids like Dr. Douglas are rhe firs to achieve tertiary level education can relate.
Wow, thanks for this insight. I didn't know about this bit of history. Well, even today, scholarships are being thrown here and there, but I guess it's different from the one you mentioned? But I have also seen scholarships that tend to give the minority support. I'm not sure if it has the same requirements though. This is new information for me, which practically shed light on the subject of privileges the author attained. :tiphat:
Sort of. It's different now that we're not under colonial rule and education is widespread, but as I understand it, back then college-level education was very limited in the colonies. The scholarships on offer were from the British government, usually, so it'd be something like two or three a year or so?
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